Pretty Nails

50% chance of rain....we are staying in, doing each other's toe nails.  :)  May the rain gods look down favorably on us and give us the much needed rain.

Update: it rained! First time in almost 2 months.

A Day in the Life...

We had a full day yesterday. Since it wasn't scorching hot by 9am, K and I went outside and did some yardwork. Bud had mowed the lawn the day before, and we wanted to tackle the flower beds. One side of the house had nothing planted (East side). It gets great morning light, but it is in the shade in the afternoon. We decided to divide the hostas and plant them along that side of the house.  The two existing hostas are (were) huge, so it was time to divide them anyway.  We also dug up some of the day lilies that had made there way to the front of the porch and transplanted them to the east side as well.

By dividing the hostas, we gave one of the hearty hibiscus room to grow. It was being crowded. It made it easier to weed as well.  We made a good team, and got a lot done while we were outside.  I jokingly told K she was Nature's Bitch, as she spent most of her time on her hands and knees weeding. We both laughed at that.  My one knee is so bad, it is hard to get back up anymore, so I did as much work as I could which didn't involve using my knees: deadheading flowering bushes, pulling off dead leaves, cleaning up the piles of weeds and putting them in the wheelbarrel, digging the holes and transplanting plants, etc.

We have been plans--just not the funds to bring them into fruition. Today we are going to dig up some cement patio stones, lay down gardener's fabric, then relay the stones and fill the cracks with pea gravel. We are getting tired of trying to keep it weeded. It will initially be a lot of work, but it will save us a lot of work in the long run.

Bud, K and I were out yesterday trying to drum up karaoke jobs--not easy in the summer, as most people are out on the lake and enjoying the great outdoors, not hanging out in bars. While we were out, one bar had a yard sale going on. K and I found the coolest piece--it is a rack that has oblong hanging wicker baskets. There are five tiers, and we both thought the same thing: how cool it would be outside as a planter! I am going to line each basket with gardener's fabric, and we will find some annuals to plant in each tier.  It will be mighty purty!

While we were out and about, S called and left a message on my phone stating she was lonely and would love a visit. I had called her early in the day to see if she was up to a visit, but got her answering machine. I figured she was out and about, so K and I tackled yardwork instead. She evidently had called back several times to K's phone while we were outside, and K never checked her phone before we left to go karaoke job hunting.

Of course we headed to S's as soon as we got the message.  She was kind of in a funk. I feel bad. I know she is envious that we are living with K right now, and that she doesn't get to see us every day. She is only about 20 miles away, but that is too far to go every day. K invited her to come out for supper tonight. I told K it was her baby this time, as I have been doing a lot of cooking and I felt like she needed to stretch her cooking muscles a bit.  K said she was nervous, because she isn't used to cooking for 5 people. She makes a mean pot of chili, though, and we have the fixings for a salad, so she will be just fine.

Bud and I are sitting in out on the front porch right now enjoying the hummingbirds and the early morning quiet, along with a cup o Joe. Life is good! LOL

I am excited to be working on my novel again.  K and S have not read what I have yet. I want to wait until it is complete before they read it. K, ever the diva, asked if she was in it. I told her honestly that she would find herself in several of the characters; I told S the same thing, though she would find more of herself in the next book (I have already determined that this will be a series of books, as the end of this one is really just the beginning of another story to tell). I am in there, Bud too.  ES is in the pages as well. I drew enough from my own real life experiences that it is more a work of factual fiction.  There is also some things that are obviously not true, but make for some interesting story none the less.

I am excited to be near the end of this particular novel.  I have noted on several poly boards that there are people out there looking for poly romance novels that aren't just under-delevoped erotica novels.  I think my novel fits the bill.  Yes, there is a lot of erotica in it, but it makes it more real--the sexual dynamic is part of a polygamous relationship. I will let everyone know when the book has been published!

Gotta get my butt dressed and ready to tackle to patio stones.  Hope everyone has a great day!

Faces with the Names

Here is a picture of K, S and I at my graduation party. K is in red, S is sitting next to her, and me and my three chins are behind them. I thought maybe putting faces with the initials I use in my posts would help. K is wife number one (common law, never legally married), S is wife number two (married on paper a year, then divorced), and of course, I am wife number 3. ES was wife number 4, and as I have posted, she and Bud did go get married at the courthouse, so they had a marriage on paper as well.

S is facing shoulder replacement surgery, and she is scared to death. K and I have both offered to assist her during her recovery, but she is embarrassed to be put in a position of needing help--that is just how she is. She is very independent and proud. Hopefully she will swallow her pride and let us help her while she recovers. She is such an enigma. As fiercely independent as she is, she is the one who finds communal living with K, Bud and I the most attractive. She is almost childlike when she talks about how wonderful having a sisterhood under one roof would be. She craves and repels physical intimacy at the same time. Like I said, an enigma.

K is very tactile and sexual.  I don't think she could ever commit to just one person--I think polyamory suits her just fine. I recently heard the term pansexual--yup, that's K. She just really, really enjoys sex irregardless of the gender or sexual orientations of her partners. She recently began exploring the poly sites, and a few nights ago, she says, "you know, we are pretty much a polygynous family..."  Any time I have talked about us being an unconventional poly family, she pretended she knew what I meant. I think she finally gets it!

We are all very different, but we oddly complement one another. Don't we look like gals you would want to be your friends?  :)

The Back Story

I know I have spoken of various other wives in many other posts, and it gets confusing at times. If you are lurking and not in the know, I consider myself a polygamist, though I loath slapping labels on myself or others.  To put it simply, I believe that some people are capable of compersion--they receive joy in seeing others happy.  They are capable of being in loving, committed relationships with more than one spouse at a time--called polyamory.

People enter polygamy for many different reasons, and there are many forms of poly out there.  I believe as long as you are not hurting other people and are not "abusing the system"--that the relationships are free -will and not forced--live and let live.  I say we need more love in the world, not less.

I have been of the "poly mind-set" since I was very young, although I didn't know it was called polygamy. I just wondered why people couldn't be married to more than one person at a time if they loved them. I remember being so relieved when I was dating Bud and we had those long, all-night conversations about anything and everything that the subject of loving more than one person at a time came up. Even then, Bud and I were not calling it polygamy. We just were amazed and intrigued that we were of the like-mind on the subject of loving more than one person. At that point, I already knew K and was well-aware of their long romance. They had been an exclusive couple for more than 7 years--Bud was 16 when they met, Kate was 19.  When they decided to split, it wasn't for lack of love for each other. Even after I met her, it was obvious that the two of them still loved each other immensely. I admired the relationship rather than envy it.

It was K and B who introduced Bud to S, Bud's second wife.  As you may recall from an earlier post, B is a very good friend of K and Bud, and their lives have been intertwined for years. In fact, K and B were a couple for a short time.  I know! Bud, B and I are all the same age; K is three years older, and S is 20 years older. Bud and S were married a year. They love each other dearly, but at that time, they truly could not live together under one roof. As with K, they remained fiercely loyal to one another. That was 4 years before I met Bud.

I am wife number 3, and for all intents and purposes, I am the primary wife, as I am the one who has been married to him for 18 years. K and S have both been in my life nearly as long, since I met them while Bud and I were still dating. There are so many intertwinings in our lives. Bud and I both grew up in the same small town, and went to the same elementary school, though he was a grade ahead of me, and we never knew one another (or rather, neither of us has a memory or recollection of the other at that age). I went to high school with S's son. He lived with his father at that point, and I never knew S back then.  Her son was the best friend of my high school sweetheart. S later worked with my step-mother, which Bud and I figured out one night after we were dating.

Through the years, Bud has maintained relationships with all of his wives, though we never had lived under one roof.  As S is fond of saying, "Bud never gets rid of his wives, but keeps them near..."  Several times over the years, we have spoken of getting a home together. Much laughter and tears have been shared amongst us, many meals and cups of coffee have been consumed.

Bud and I made the move to Alabama in 2000, and we lived there until the end of 2009. We met ES in 2006. ES was our first attempt at truly living a polygamous life under one roof with another partner. She and Bud married in April of 2006, and Bud and I remained legally married as well. We were together 3 years before she moved to Florida to care for her father. By that time, the relationship between she and I had become strained.  Her health had taken a toll on all of us. She pushed us away, and the anger she felt over her illness was often unleashed on those she loved--Bud and I. She wanted to be in control, as she was used to always having control. But she often felt helpless and victimized by the PAD, diabetes, Lyme's disease, and chronic pain. Not to mention losing a leg. ES was never the same after that...

ES passed in December of 2010. It was quite a shock.  We had been discussing once again getting all the wives under one roof, but I wasn't ready. Things were still too raw and painful, and I needed more time to heal...

So there you have it: the 4 wives of Bud.  Granted, we never have all lived under one roof, and it is rather non-conventional according to poly standards, but we are a poly family. We all love each other beyond friendship--no envy, no jealousy, nothing we can't say to one another. We tend to be starkly honest with one another. We each have very different personalities and talents, but we eagerly foster each other's strengths, and are there to catch each other when one of us takes a fall.

Because K, S and I have had longer to develop our relationships, I am not sure ES thrown in the mix so soon would have worked.  Don't get me wrong--ES was very strong.  But she liked to be the boss, and I know that wouldn't have flown with K and S.  They are both very strong women as well.  I tended to let ES bulldoze over me rather than having a confrontation with her; ES would never have been able to bulldoze K or S. I think the 4 of us under one roof would have been hell for Bud--just my honest opinion. Having that many strong-willed women around would have probably put him over the edge!

I know I am a strong woman as well, but it a much different way.  I have perseverance. I tend to internalize a lot so as not to burden others.

I know that if we were to miraculously come in to a boat load of money, we would be looking for the perfect property with either an existing home to accommodate us, or one we could build on.  Heck, I have already designed a home with three wings and a large common area consisting of the living room, kitchen and dining room.  I think each of us needs our space, but we long to be near each other.  God willing, some day, maybe we will have our perfect arrangement.

Adjustments

We are slowly settling in to new routine here with K and B. K has been in Bud's life since he was a teenager, and she has been a part of my life for almost 19 years(!)--man time flies...Bud has known B almost as long as he has known K. The three of them were almost inseparable back in the day.

While K has been in my life as long as Bud, this is the first time we have actually lived under one roof. We have talked about it at length over the years: Bud, K, S and I living under one roof. We actually looked for a house on and off over the years that would afford us each our own space, yet ample common area to share.

Things have been fine, if not hectic. With K's car dying two days after we arrived, we have found ourselves without a car some days, like today. She works part time, but two days a week, it is an 8 hour day. We were home alone all day today--and it was nice! After living with MIL, it is nice to be able to hang with my hubby without feeling pressure.

Last night, K wanted to sing (one of her gifts). I was tired, and the dogs don't like the loud music, so we sacked out in the bedroom and Bud helped K run and adjust the equipment.  It is still new, so I don't know how things will be down the road, but I do feel like a whole layer of stress and expectation has been lifted. I have been cooking dinner, and K and B are THRILLED to come home to meals hot and ready to eat.  And they like veggies (well, K more than B, but they both loved the zucchini and cabbage I did on the grill day before last; Bud wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole!)

Bud's second wife, S, is coming for dinner tomorrow, so he will once again have all the wives in one place. We really do all get along well, and enjoy each other's company. Time will tell!

Just When Our Lives Couldn't Get Crazier....

Bud and I will be moving for the umpteenth trillion time next weekend. We are actually--get this--moving in with Bud's first wife, K, and her roommate (who also happens to be a long-time friend of Bud's). So Bud will have two of his wives under one roof again!

We haven't told MIL yet--she is away for the weekend and won't get back until later this afternoon. This will go over like a lead balloon, let me tell ya.  We have been living with her a year--a YEAR! I know she is gotten used to us doing things around here. Not that she is not capable of doing 85% of what we do; we just try to earn our keep and make it easier for her. I think she has only cooked a half dozen times in the year we have been here. She has not had to vacuum once. I think she has done the dishes 5 times.   She does keep her own room cleaned up, and she does the sink and stool once a week. Gonna be a major adjustment for her to say the least.

We will be about an hour away, so it is not like we are moving across the country.  We will still be mowing her lawn every few weeks, and helping her with anything she cannot do herself. We will check in with her daily to make sure she is okay.

It will be a major adjustment for us as well.  We have been in caregiver mode for TWO YEARS. And we will be moving in to a home 1/2 the size of this one--and we think this one is small! LOL

We actually went out last night--for real! We joined K at a bar that was doing a Hometown Idol contest, and K made it to the next round! Bud and K kept urging me to enter the contest, but that is just not my thing. Not that I am not competitive. I am just more competitive with myself. And okay, I am competitive playing Scrabble on Facebook. But the players on Facebook aren't "real" to me--they are just faceless entities I am playing against. I might as well be playing with a computer. And since Bud and I were karaoke hosts for years and years, I am a firm believer that karaoke isn't supposed to be a competition; it is supposed to be an outlet for anyone who has the desire to sing, no matter what their skill level. When you turn it into a competition, someone who may have finally found the nerve to get up and put themselves out there might change their mind and never get up and all. Just sayin'...

Back to the move. I am NOT looking forward to telling MIL.  No matter how we tell her, it is going to put her in a fowl move. It doesn't matter that we are making the move so that I can avoid driving 60 miles for a new job; she will still take it personally.  She and I just had a big talk on Thursday, because she has been  saying things that intentionally try and hurt my feelings (criticizing how I cook or making me feel like I am not doing enough around the house). She told me I was too sensitive, and that I basically need to harden myself like she has. She said she used to bite her tongue, but as she ages, she is more outspoken; I told her that is fine, but there is such a thing as tact and kindness.

This has been coming for a while.  MIL has just about put Bud over the edge (I would probably be the same way if we were living with my mom, in all fairness. I love her to death, but I SURE couldn't live with her!) MIL has another son who actually lives right in town, but they are truly oil and water. They do NOT get along at all, so I know she will not ask him for anything and vice versa.  Any time he has tried to help, it has not been appreciated, and she has found a way to negate any efforts he has made to help and make amends in their relationship.  (Long back story here, but he truly did put every member of the family through hell for years).

Bud's other brother is in Malaysia.  He has power of attorney and is the sole heir, so our hands have always been tied. He stayed here for 6 months last year after FIL passed. I am hoping that he finds a way to move back soon, as I know if MIL passes while he is overseas, it will be a mess on our end. She has verbally given us a list of some things she wants her other DIL to have, things she wants Bud to have, things she wants me to have, etc, but she is unwilling to add a codicil to her will with these wishes. Bud and I have told her that unless she has it in writing, her verbal wishes are mute. The option is to give the items to those she wants to have them while she is still living, but she said she doesn't want to part with anything  yet. Sigh.

She at one time said if she passed, Bud and I could stay in this house as long as we wanted; sorry, but I am not doing upkeep and sinking money into a home that is not ours. I do know that Bud's brother in Malaysia would come back to Michigan if MIL bought the ticket; I suspect maybe with us gone, she will do just that, I don't know.

Whoa! I sure derailed my topic, didn't I? LOL I think as stressful as a move is, this will be a good change for us in the short run. Wish us luck! Anyone out there want to break the news to MIL???

Clawing My Way Back to the Land of the Living

In an effort to "stabilize", I have been trying to do more outside these days.  I planted strawberries (I won! MIL conceded and allowed me to plant them where I wanted to in the first place.), morning glories along the fence row, honeysuckle and jasmine alone the other fence row, butterfly bushes, hummingbird vines...my way to keep busy and not fall into a pit of madness.

I hung hummingbird feeders over a month ago, and we finally had our first visitor yesterday. He looked like this one:

I couldn't grab the camera fast enough to get a picture.

He sure was a pretty one, though! I don't know if it was a scout or not, I just hope he gets the word out that we are feeding his kind!

It is going to be a bad year for ticks.  I have already pulled three off of me in the last two days--not a good start. Need to start the dogs on Frontline asap!

Still no job, and I still have hemorrhoids, if anyone is keeping track.  Lordy, why does aging have to be so undignified at times?

I am heading out now to enjoy the last of the sunlight and see if I can catch another glimpse of hummingbirds.

Sorry I have been in such a negative funk. I know things will get better eventually--they always do.