Monday, April 30, 2012

Treading Water

I am not a swimmer, so the fact that I use the above title to describe how I feel right now is no coincidence. My health is doing better physically, but mentally, I feel on the edge all. of. the. time. I wait for the wave that is going to come rushing over my head; I wait to feel myself pulled under in the undertow; I wait to feel so tired, I just stop trying.

MIL has me doing Spring Cleaning. She pronounced that she wanted to get it done, which means I have to get it done. I have been tackling it little by little, but there is a long, long way to go.

We had a gathering this weekend of family and friends. We had planned to do a cookout back when the weather was in the 80's in February, figuring surely the last weekend before May would be nice enough to cook and eat outside. Stupid mortals...

Of course, it was ridiculously cold and rainy, and we had to move the party indoors.  We did karaoke, which was fun for about two hours, then I couldn't wait for it to get over with. I was tired. Bud was tired.

The reason we were so tired was all the pre-party work that went into it.  Had to clean and rearrange the living room to make space for the karaoke equipment. I had to make all the accompanying food to go with the burgers I was cooking on the grill. MIL was calling people for three day to make sure they were still coming and assuring them it was still on, rain or shine.

Back to Spring Cleaning. Part of the cleaning is the storage room, which is a mess.  It happens to be where our life is right now, packed away in boxes. She wants it cleaned out and organized. I don't mind, but it was hard to get at with our karaoke equipment in there as well. Since we had pulled all our karaoke equipment out for the party, I asked if we could leave it set up in the living room a few days so we could tackle the storage room. She said it was okay, but then the day after the party, she announces she wants the equipment out of the living room.

Sooooooo, Bud and I have to scramble and try and get the storage room cleaned and organized and get the equipment out of the living room today. It is an enormous task that should really be tackled over several days, but we have to somehow pull it off today, or MIL will get beyond moody. When she wants something done, it needs to be done, NOW.

I think I need swimming lessons.

Thursday, April 19, 2012


Sorry for the long hiatus from the blog. I just haven't felt like being here. I no longer have a job (self-inflicted termination), and I have an annoying health issue that has been driving me insane since the 27th of March: hemorrhoids.

And when I say driving me insane, I mean quite literally.  I am anxious, stressed, losing sleep, uncomfortable or in pain constantly...I have been to the ER twice, hoping for relief. You know what they did to "help"? They gave me Valium for the anxiety and some "butt paste" that was absolutely worthless on the first visit, and they gave me Tylenol 3 and another "butt paste" on the second visit. The codeine in the Tylenol 3 triggered a migraine yesterday, and I spent the whole day in bed.

In the meantime, my literal pain in the ass is becoming a huge pain in the ass! They are thrombosed, which means they are external and have formed blood clots--two, big (relative here.  They are the size of lima beans, but feel like cantaloupes) bulging masses hanging out of my rear end. UGH!

I know this is really, REALLY too much information, but jeezo petes! I have no job, no insurance, no money. There are NO doctors in this area who will accept patients without insurance. My only option is the ER, and I just can't WAIT to get the bill for the two worthless visits I have made thus far.

I spend a good chunk of my day sitting in sitz baths to get some relief and keep the area clean. I use Preparation H wipes to cool and soothe the area. I use witch hazel to try and shrink them. I use prayer to try and stay sane.

On that note, I can't sit here any longer.  Just an update, of sorts. Sorry it is so negative and graphic.

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