It's Been a While...

Yes, I have used the hummingbird picture before, but hey, it is only because I wanted to announce that we have hummingbirds!  YAY!!!!! They make me very happy.  I think if I have a totem, it is a hummingbird for sure. It is the one creature on this earth that consistently makes me smile and lifts my spirits.

Wish I had something earth-shattering to share, but I really don't.  I did want to hear how BC and New#3 were faring these days. It has been a while, ladies!

All that weight I lost? Yeah, I found it again.  I do like my new job, and the hours are awesome.  Makes up live extremely lean, though (how do you gain weight when you have no money for groceries? I have to figure that one out...)

It is July in Florida, which means it will hit 90 degrees every single day, and it will rain--if only for a few minutes--every afternoon.  It is hotter elsewhere, so I am not complaining one bit!  And the sun--oh, how I love sunny days. Sunshine does my soul good.

Just had a visit from MIL and our nephew, Jack. They stayed with us a week in our tiny little house with one bathroom (no tub, just a shower, and a small one at that). There really isn't a lot to do in the summer, so I felt bad that I couldn't entertain them more, plus, with work...and limited finances...sigh.  Not sure either of them really had a good time. I think they were both antsy to go home, to tell you the truth. It took over a month to recover financially from the visit--we spent money that was earmarked for bills, so we are playing catch-up.

We have been trying to get karaoke gigs for extra income, but everyone already has entertainment or karaoke, so no luck in that arena. We did find a great bar, however, which is owned by a fella who is a professional DJ, and my oh my, does he have a nice system! His selection is over the top! And, his bar is very nice--bathrooms were even clean!

Cooking for my Step-mama and another nephew who is visiting tonight.  I like to entertain!  Not sure what all I will make, but it will be a spread!

Speaking of, I best get my bootie around and get the no-bakes done that I was bringing.

Hope to hear from my buddies!

~D

Plan B

They say a rolling stone gathers no moss; with as much as Bud and I move, we are truly mossless. My step-mama, as I said in a comment on the last post, is facing back surgery. I am heading down to help her and my dad during her recovery.  I am also going to be looking for employment, and bringing Bud and the dogs down as soon as feasibly possible.

I sooooooo want him to come down with me now. Even short separations are hard on us--always have been.  The longest stretch we have ever been away from each other is three weeks, and let me tell you, it was a LONG. THREE. WEEKS. This separation may be for months. I am trying to focus on the end goal, which is getting out of Michigan and back to warmer climes.  Florida is not at the top of my list. We were hoping to move to Kentucky at some point. Sigh.

At least this time around, we will need no more than a 10 foot truck. We have sold off most of our possessions to keep us going this last two years. Hell, I may look for a full-time AND a part-time job--if I lose one, I still have a job, you know what I mean?

Bud will be back at his mom's for a spell. Please send any positive energy you can spare (and I know we all could use positive energy right now). His mom's health is going downhill again. She passed out twice in dialysis this week, once on Monday and again yesterday. We are worried about her.

Bud has a double wammy. It is really, really hard for him to live with his mom. She is very critical, cynical, and negative about everything. On top of that, dear old brother C is coming back from Malaysia. Not sure how long he is going to be in the States, but he is a real piece of work. He treats his mom like a piece of shit, but she still worships him and thinks he can do no wrong. Makes me sick. She dotes over him incessantly, telling everyone what a wonderful son he is, yet it seems Bud can't do a damn thing right in her eyes. She seems to forget that if Bud hadn't insisted she go to the ER last year about this time, she would be dead. She was having a heart attack, but she didn't know it. She was just going to sit at the kitchen table and "ride it out". She ended up having triple bypass.

We have weighed the pros and cons. There are a lot of cons, for sure. Bud has to get a new doctor--AGAIN. For whatever reason, up here, once you leave a doctor, they don't let you come back. They want patients that will stay with them from cradle to grave, and if you dare move and drop them as a provider, they won't take you back. So he has that BS to deal with.

One of his medications is an injectible. I usually give it to him, but there is no one to do it for him, so he will having to find someone to do it, or end up going to the doctor every two weeks to have it done, which is a major pain in the butt for him, literally. 

He will have no car. I am driving down to Florida--all 1260 miles. His mom is very stingy when it comes to driving her car. She has full coverage, but is worried that if she lets someone else drive, they might get in an accident and her insurance will go up.  Forget that I drove her everywhere for 5 months. Forget that she is the scariest driver on the planet. We are hoping our nephew will let Bud use his car, since he has a truck as well and really doesn't drive his car much.

And as I mentioned before, the separation is a huge con.  It will be hard on both of us, that is for sure. The sooner I can get a job and start saving for our own place, the better.

Florida DMV prices are ridiculous. I was going to just get a Florida driver's license, but to renew my Michigan one costs $18; to get one in Florida will be $48. I will be keeping my Michigan license, thank you very much! And getting a car tagged and registered in Florida is just as bad. I won't do any of that until after we have a permanent place of residence, and by Florida law, residency is 6 months. At least I have a little window of time there.

I know I am sounding negative, but there are a lot of Pros:

Our son lives in Florida. It will be nice to have him closer. He is in the Panhandle right now, but I am hoping he will move South once we get settled. I sure miss him!

No long winters. Bud and I both suffer from seasonal depression, and sunny Florida will be the cure for that. No shoveling snow, no scraping car windshields in the blustery cold.

Job opportunities are much more abundant down in Florida. I won't have as many younguns to compete with down there, as seniors outnumber the rest of the population 3-1 in central Florida.

Fresh start. I want to put the BS of the last three years behind us. Since we moved back to Michigan in 2009 (with that 6 month stint back in Alabama to care for friends), we have been miserable. I want to get past this and move on. Like I said, Florida wouldn't have been our first choice, but it is in the right direction--SOUTH!

Haven't told K or B yet. That should be a fun conversation...

So that is our Plan B. As soon as I hear back from my Dad, I will have a better idea when I will be heading down. I am thinking sooner than later.

Rollin'......

Back in the Saddle

Well, after a long hiatus, I am back on my diet.  I started tracking again on Livestrong.com, and after three weeks, I am at the weight I was when I last used their fitness tracking program.  When K heard I was going on a diet, she jumped on the bandwagon.  She is a "me too" kind of person and always wants to do whatever anyone else is doing. I swear, she is part lemming...

My goal is to get below 200 pounds by the first of the year, and never have to see a "2" in front of my weight again. It is a very attainable goal, and I have got to do it--my health depends on it. I have a mother and a brother with diabetes, and I don't want to go there...

The lack of a job is really starting to get me down.  We are so strapped financially right now, and the friggin' SUV we just got has been in the shop 3 TIMES. Grrrrrrrrrrr, don't get me started on that one. I think all the major kinks have been taken care of now, so hopefully (knocking on wood like a mad woman) it is good to go for the winter months.  It is a V-8 and a 4x4, so you know the gas mileage sucks. But we should be able to put at least another 150,000 miles on the engine!

I just know something good is going to happen soon. We have a shut off notice on the electric, cable has already been shut off, and we don't have a dime for fuel oil. When you hit bottom, there is no way to go but up, right? Upward, ho--except my weight--that can continue to drop for a good long while. 

Treading Water

I am not a swimmer, so the fact that I use the above title to describe how I feel right now is no coincidence. My health is doing better physically, but mentally, I feel on the edge all. of. the. time. I wait for the wave that is going to come rushing over my head; I wait to feel myself pulled under in the undertow; I wait to feel so tired, I just stop trying.

MIL has me doing Spring Cleaning. She pronounced that she wanted to get it done, which means I have to get it done. I have been tackling it little by little, but there is a long, long way to go.

We had a gathering this weekend of family and friends. We had planned to do a cookout back when the weather was in the 80's in February, figuring surely the last weekend before May would be nice enough to cook and eat outside. Stupid mortals...

Of course, it was ridiculously cold and rainy, and we had to move the party indoors.  We did karaoke, which was fun for about two hours, then I couldn't wait for it to get over with. I was tired. Bud was tired.

The reason we were so tired was all the pre-party work that went into it.  Had to clean and rearrange the living room to make space for the karaoke equipment. I had to make all the accompanying food to go with the burgers I was cooking on the grill. MIL was calling people for three day to make sure they were still coming and assuring them it was still on, rain or shine.

Back to Spring Cleaning. Part of the cleaning is the storage room, which is a mess.  It happens to be where our life is right now, packed away in boxes. She wants it cleaned out and organized. I don't mind, but it was hard to get at with our karaoke equipment in there as well. Since we had pulled all our karaoke equipment out for the party, I asked if we could leave it set up in the living room a few days so we could tackle the storage room. She said it was okay, but then the day after the party, she announces she wants the equipment out of the living room.

Sooooooo, Bud and I have to scramble and try and get the storage room cleaned and organized and get the equipment out of the living room today. It is an enormous task that should really be tackled over several days, but we have to somehow pull it off today, or MIL will get beyond moody. When she wants something done, it needs to be done, NOW.

I think I need swimming lessons.

I Got It!

After 470 days without a paying job, I am now officially employed. I accepted the position at the Amish Country Inn/Splash Universe Resort, and I start February 6th. Finally, we will have a pot to piss in!

High Hopes

Saturday I saw a posting on Monster.com for a management position at a family resort near here, and applied. At noon today, I got a call for an interview.

I was pretty confident I would get the call, as I have a lot of experience managing housekeeping departments, from our own mom-and-pop cleaning business 17 years ago, to running the department for a 341 guestroom, AAA 4-diamond hotel just a year ago. I go Wednesday for the interview.

Ironically, we saw on the news today that a portion of that property, the adjoining water park, is in jeopardy of being sold off for back taxes. Don't know what that means for the hotel and conference center yet, but you know I will be asking on Wednesday! Sure don't want to take a position only to have them close the doors in March.

If there are money management issues at play, I may be walking into a prime opportunity for a potential assistant GM position, or at the very least, an acting GM while they do a search for someone more qualified. I am going to make sure that I hit the ground running and learn as much as I can about the hotel and how it operates.

Trip Advisor has some abysmal ratings for the property; I intend to be the wind of change and improve the quality and the customer service of the hotel. There are only 5 hotels in Shipshewana, and this one is rated 4th. Gotta to better than that! I want to get them in the number one spot--I want them to want to be number one! Customer service is one of my pet peeves. I have threatened to open a school just for customer service skills. So many people are in the services industry that have no business serving others. They have crappy attitudes and don't give a flip about the customer. I will "clean house", so to speak, so I can hire the RIGHT people for the job. Yup--I am going to shake things up.

I am putting together my punch list of questions to ask during the interview, and I hope that I will start as soon as next week. (Yes, I may sound over-confident, but as Jennifer Hudson says, "I got this!")

***update: had my interview today at 10am; I got a call at 2pm, asking if I could come back in tomorrow to speak with the regional Executive Director. Uh, HELL YEAH! I will let you know how it goes...

Waiting

I have plastered this section of the state with applications and resumes. I got my first "official" rejection letter today. Sadly, most businesses do not have the common courtesy to let applicants know they have not been selected. Most of them state they save money by not sending out rejection letters. I know when I was a manager, I told each and every candidate I interviewed that I would call them, regardless if I hired them or not. I figure it is the very least an employer can do. I have been on the other end, and I know what waiting can be like.

I am still going to substitute teach as soon as the background check comes back and I get the go-ahead to start accepting substitute slots. NOT looking forward to driving to the very rural school districts in Michigan winter. UGH!

The only thing with substitute teaching is it is not a sure gig. Some weeks, I may work 5 days, some, I may not work any. The network is built so that those who have established themselves as trustworthy subs get called first. Since I am a newbie, I am quite a way down the calling list. Still, it is something. It is income, and it is doing something worthwhile. MIL says there is no way she would ever step foot in a classroom; I, however, have always loved education. I love seeing the spark when a child grasps a concept and the confidence it builds.

Even when I was a high school student, I volunteered a free period to be a student cadet teacher, as they were called. I got to go down to the elementary and middle school (schools were all on the same campus) and help a teacher for an hour. Many times, it was to the elementary school to help kids struggling with reading; sometimes, it was helping middle school students struggling with math.

As an adult, I volunteered in my son's elementary and middle school. For those who don't know what a middle school is, it is essentially upper elementary combined with junior high--usually 5th through 8th grades. My son has socialization and behavioural issues due to mental illnesses. Being in his classroom often helped keep him focused and stabilized. Part of the problem, we learned, was my son is very intelligent and was not being challenged. He instead used his energy to act out. I think dealing with the challenged of raising my son helped prepare me for the challenges that lay ahead in the classroom.

I just know that I am getting ants in the pants because of our finances. I need to be generating income ASAP. I can see how stressed out my hubby is due to money. That and dealing with winter (4-7 inches due tonight) is depressing both of us.

I am still putting out applications on a daily basis. Someone will hire me at some point. It is the waiting that is killing me...

Whew! Glad that is over with!

School and Christmas are now behind us, as well as a visit from MIL's great-grandchildren, ages 4, 2 and 1. I used to have the patience of Job, but not anymore.  I guess I would make a terrible grandma, as I was exhausted after only an hour with them. The volume got me, for one. When did kids get so loud? I so wanted to sneak into the bedroom with Bud and our dogs to avoid the cacophony.

And of course, they wanted to touch everything, and there is nothing kid-friendly about MIL's house. They managed to get through the visit without getting bit by a dog or breaking something.

We once again played Wii on Christmas day. I would have had more fun if it weren't for my back.  It has been giving me fits for about three weeks. My weight isn't helping matters much. I need to kick it into high gear and GET THIS WEIGHT OFF!!!! I have zero will power during the holidays. This Christmas there were no green vegetables in sight, I swear. Just lots of carbs and starches.

I put in several job applications. We are in need of some cash flow, and I know that since I am now a graduate, MIL will be asking me when I am getting a job. I want to beat her to the punch!

I really want to hibernate, and it really isn't that bad out.  No snow, so that is a huge plus. Maybe we can get through this winter with minimal snow.  If we have blue skies, that is always a bonus. The overcast days really depress the hell out of me. The sunshine really helps.

MIL is slamming shit around right now, so I guess she is pissed about something. Guess I better get off of here!

Valleys, Peaks and Plateaus

The astute reader will instantly know that I am referring to weight loss trials and tribulations. My peak weight is now behind me; for a while, I have never been close to the valley (ideal weight), unless you count 8th-10th grades; I have hit one of the blasted plateaus.

I didn't lose one dang ounce this month. I am irritated with myself, as I went over calories 19 times in the last 30 days. Stress eating is a killer, I tell ya. Four of the 19 days were just in the last week. Couldn't have anything to do with the fact that we are broke, could it?

On the upside, hubby and I got a last minute call for a karaoke gig. Of course, we jumped on it. Mind you, I only had 4 hours sleep on the previous evening, and I was already yawning when the call came. I am so glad we did it, as we got paid way, way more than we would have charged. That was a nice perk this week. We were able to fill the van with gas, buy some much-needed items, as we still have money in our pockets! Bud was able to take MIL out to eat Sunday so I could get homework and midterms done (thanks, hubby!), and we are taking her out again tomorrow after we take Bud's cousin (the one he donated a kidney to) to an appointment.

One of my SWs is in the hospital with influenza, bronchitis, and pneumonia. They couldn't get her oxygen in the "safe" zone, so they are giving her oxygen and steroids so she can breath better. Doesn't help that she suffers from asthma...

Hubby has a "to-do"list a half-mile long that he has imposed on himself. Well, semi-imposed. Some are things his mom wants done and that he agreed to do. Staying busy is a good thing, though.

Speaking of valleys, peaks and plateaus, I hope we get out of this valley of dept, find the highest peak, and plateau there for a while so we can actually NOT have financial stress for a while. It is something we would both like to experience once before we die, anyway...

What the What?!?!?!?!

I am taking a finance class this semester, one that I previously gave up in around the 4th week and took a big fat "F" in as a result. I took it last year when my FIL committed suicide, and dealing with that took too much out of me to even think about completing the class.

This time around, I am trying hard to stay focused on it. Not an easy task. We are now talking about the time value of money--in other words, taking advantage of investing opportunities and discounts. I find myself completely lost most of the time, and I ask LOTS of questions. I am sure the professor thinks I am a total idiot: "So, Ms. Weiser, you want to go into the business field? I would advise getting an accountant to help you out..."

Okay, he didn't say that, but boy, do I feel like I am just not getting it! I will be glad when this class is over. I will be glad when ALL my classes are over for a while. I keep telling myself that I will go back and get my MBA at some point, but do I really need to pursue a masters when I am approaching my geriatric years? I will never be a Donald Trump, but I would like to think that my education is an investment that will lead to a greater return in the future. Gee, maybe I am getting this concept of the time value of money...they sure are taking enough of it right now!

We are Broke with a capital "B" right now--can't even run to town to buy a paper, as we don't have the gas to burn, and we don't have the 75 cents for a paper. BUT--we have a roof over our heads, and there is food in the house, so I am NOT bitchin'. It just feels aweful to have no money in the bank, no money in my billfold, and social security benefits are drying up faster than a rain puddle in mid-August. Let's not go there. My mental health is hanging by a thread these days, and I don't have the dexterity anymore to tie a knot...

Insomnia

I really, really, REALLY want to be asleep right now. This is day three of insomnia. I am dog tired, but as soon as I hit the bed, my mind starts to race, and I get jittery. I can feel every corpuscle in my body, and it is driving me insane.

I literally can feel the blood flowing through my veins. I am stressed, because I have two HUGE term papers due, and I have zero alone time except at night when I am too tired to focus on that shit. So I instead toss and turn in bed and think, "maybe Bud will sleep in, and I can get my butt up as soon as MIL leaves for dialysis. That will give me 5 hours of uninterrupted computer time."

My plan had been to go to the library on Tuesdays and Thursdays so I wasn't being distracted. Unfortunately, being broke and having the van running iffy at best has prevented me from going.

I can already see my obit: "...died from stressing out over term papers."

I feel sick to my stomach, and I feel like my body is humming like a taught wire. NOT a good feeling. I took a muscle relaxant, as it usually knocks me out. Hell, it didn't even help the pain, let alone put me out.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr! My jaw hurts from being clenched. Stress much?

Hubby just got up to pee. I envy his snoring. I should have taken a nap today--then I would be fresh enough to tackle some homework.

Geez, am I a whiner or what?

Of Swollen Ankles, Boredom, and A Pot to Piss

Haven't written in a while. May came and went, and I just realized it was actually June. Don't know if I have mentioned it before, but I started yet another diet. I am recording every morsel I put in my mouth on Livestrong.com, as well as tracking my "fitness". Fitness--what a joke. It will track how many calories I burn an hour doing such mundane tasks as dishes, cooking, showering, and surfing--as in the web or as a couch potato.

I have lost 12 pounds in 8 weeks. My goal is 1.5 pounds a week, so I am pretty on target. I drink 8 12 ounce glasses of water a day, so I know it isn't water weight I am losing. I was feeling the difference until today. For the last two days, I have spent a lot of time sitting in front of the computer, so my calves and ankles are swollen. My hands have been swelling as well, and my wedding band is as tight as can be. OUCH! I need to make sure and get off my arse tomorrow so I can get back where I was a week ago.

I am going to post a picture each month to record my weight loss. This picture was taken two years ago, but it is the same weight I am at now--I had actually put on 12 pounds since that picture was taken. UGH.

I am trying to not be bored, but it is hard. I have been working on my novel, and have added about 50 pages, so that is good. I play POGO, and I try and be creative cooking. Any little thing to keep me going. We are broke, which means we can't go anywhere, do anything, buy anything. Living on only Hubby's Social Security means times are lean indeed.

I keep saying my Hail Mary's that we will see better times soon. I know I should be thankful for what we got. People have lost homes from floods, tornadoes, and wild fires. They have lost homes from loss of jobs, and there aren't any out there to be had. I know--I have been looking for six months for something closer than Tupelo or Tuscaloosa, but there just isn't anything available.

Blah.

Stuck

I think that is how Bud is feeling right now. We are stuck in caregiver mode. I don't mean that to sound ungrateful. I am so thankful we have a roof over our heads. But the physical demands (not to mention the emotional ones) are starting to take their toll. Bud and I have both been having back issues, and I had a flair up tonight that almost had me begging Bud to take me to the ER.

I am afraid I am going to wake up one morning and not be able to get out of bed because any move will throw my back in to hellishly painful spasms. Bud has been on the heating pad a few times himself, and I am afraid he may end up flat on his back like the last time his back went out--that scares the b'jesuz out of me.

Bud was taking a nap today, and Mike needed to get on the crapper, so I got him on and Carol pulled his pants down for me. Carol can't lift, so I had to figure out how to wipe his behind without dropping him. I finally figured out how to do it, and got him back up. Carol was supposed to pull his drawers up, but she just could not get them up. I had to set him back down on the pot and rest my back, then try again. She got them up on the second try--well, kind of. I adjusted his pull up and jogging pants once I had him in bed.

The other part of feeling stuck is much more literal. We both need to get the hell out of the house without it being a trip to a doctor with either Mike or Carol, but we both worry about leaving Carol here alone with Mike for too long, as she can't really do much for him at this point other than put his pecker in the pisser--say that three times fast!

Bud is growing depressed and weary. I am just plum TIRED. I did manage to get all of my reading done for both classes, and got my assignments in on time. Phew!

The one plus has been getting to cook. I have really missed it! I made a quickie peach cobbler tonight (recipe to come), and tomorrow I am making lasagna...mmmmmmm!

I FINALLY managed to get my resume done using an online template service. Got it uploaded, but can't print it--Grrrrrrrrr!

At least it is warming up! :o)

13th Time is a Charm

Head pounding, stomach churning
Taste of bile in my mouth (not that I have a gull bladder, mind you)

Boxes to fill, memories to sell
Out the door it goes once more

Starting over, over again
Getting to be a tiring habit of ours

Can't put down roots anywhere
But we are of resilient stock it seems

Can we reduce our lives to just a few boxes?
We will soon see

Where will we land this time?
Hard to tell...oh. hell.

©Debra Weiser 2010

To Clarify

In two weeks, we won't have a pot to piss in, but in the meantime, I am making spaghetti! Enjoy the recipe below, and may you ALWAYS have a pot in which to piss. :o)

Stick to Your Ribs Spaghetti Sauce

2 lbs ground beef
1 head of garlic, peeled and diced
1 onion, peeled and diced
1 green bell pepper, seeded and diced
cremini mushrooms, rinsed, dried and sliced
2-14.5 oz cans of stewed tomatoes
2-15 oz cans of tomato sauce
1/4 tsp black pepper
1 tsp salt, low sodium

1 Tbs Italian seasoning

1/2 to 1 cup grated parmesan cheese

Brown the ground beef with the garlic and the onions. Cook until the onions are translucent.Drain most of the fat but about 2 tablespoons. Add the bell pepper and mushrooms. When they start to soften, add the stewed tomatoes and the tomato sauce. Bring to a simmer. Add salt, pepper, italian seasoning and parmesan cheese. Simmer 30 minutes, stirring occasionally. Serve over pasta. (This stuff freezes great, and is better the next day when the flavors have time to marry). Enjoy!

Yummy add-ins

• green or black olives


• chick peas


• chopped spinich


• fresh basil


• water chestnuts


• banana peppers

Can't wait to kiss 2010 goodbye...

Quite an optimistic title, eh? This year is ending with a kick in the pants: I was informed Monday that I would either need to resign, or that I would inevitably be terminated; I woke up Wednesday with what felt like a heart attack, but ended up opening a whole can of worms; my estranged sisterwife passed away on Wednesday night (yes, you read that right--sisterwife. Haven't you heard? It is all the rage!)

My head is about to frickin' explode. But strangely, I am not panicking. We have to be out of this house that we can no longer afford, as my income is the primary income. We will have to return our car to the dealership that financed us, as again, no money, no car payments. No where to go, no REAL plan in place. Shouldn't I be freaking out right now? I am eerily calm right now. The calm before the storm?

I had a blog with my sisterwife (the one that passed. Oh, did I mention I have two other sisterwives? no? oops. my bad...) called the Self Sustaining Kitchen. Neither of us have posted in it in over a year. When she passed, I thought I would go update everyone, but it has been so long, I can't get in to the account.

I am not sure what the nature of this blog is going to be...random musings? Sage advice? Pointless drivel? Who knows!

I know I will share pieces of myself. I write an eclectic mix of songs, poetry, erotica, and fiction. This may be the place where I "put it out there". It can float around as digital flotsam.

If I get visitors, cool! If not, maybe this will be some sort of time capsule to be discovered in the future.

It may take a while to build this blog, but it will be 100% me. Scary!