Wednesday, December 5, 2012


Sorry it has been so long since I have posted. I have been in Florida now for 11days. My Step-mama had surgery last Thursday, and it has been very long week. She has an incredibly low pain threshhold, but a high tolerance to pain meds, which is not condusive to fast recovery. I finally convinced her she needed to get up and walk today, and hallelulia, she did. She managed to walk from about 20 feet or so, and she has done it twice already today, so I feel like progress is finally being made. She has been content to just lay on the sofa, but pretty much any surgeon will tell you, the quicker you get up and get moving the better. I tried to gently explain to her that the reason her legs ached was because she wasn't using them. Dad tends to be not so nice, so I handle her with a softer form of tough love. If she understands the importance without being pushed or belittled, she does much better. I love my dad, but he is a bulldog with zero patience.

I got a call for an interview tomorrow, so I am nervous and excited about that. I am going to let them know that it will be two weeks before I can start, as I am committed to getting my step-mom more independant.

Got to get back in and check on her, so this is a short update.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Plan B

They say a rolling stone gathers no moss; with as much as Bud and I move, we are truly mossless. My step-mama, as I said in a comment on the last post, is facing back surgery. I am heading down to help her and my dad during her recovery.  I am also going to be looking for employment, and bringing Bud and the dogs down as soon as feasibly possible.

I sooooooo want him to come down with me now. Even short separations are hard on us--always have been.  The longest stretch we have ever been away from each other is three weeks, and let me tell you, it was a LONG. THREE. WEEKS. This separation may be for months. I am trying to focus on the end goal, which is getting out of Michigan and back to warmer climes.  Florida is not at the top of my list. We were hoping to move to Kentucky at some point. Sigh.

At least this time around, we will need no more than a 10 foot truck. We have sold off most of our possessions to keep us going this last two years. Hell, I may look for a full-time AND a part-time job--if I lose one, I still have a job, you know what I mean?

Bud will be back at his mom's for a spell. Please send any positive energy you can spare (and I know we all could use positive energy right now). His mom's health is going downhill again. She passed out twice in dialysis this week, once on Monday and again yesterday. We are worried about her.

Bud has a double wammy. It is really, really hard for him to live with his mom. She is very critical, cynical, and negative about everything. On top of that, dear old brother C is coming back from Malaysia. Not sure how long he is going to be in the States, but he is a real piece of work. He treats his mom like a piece of shit, but she still worships him and thinks he can do no wrong. Makes me sick. She dotes over him incessantly, telling everyone what a wonderful son he is, yet it seems Bud can't do a damn thing right in her eyes. She seems to forget that if Bud hadn't insisted she go to the ER last year about this time, she would be dead. She was having a heart attack, but she didn't know it. She was just going to sit at the kitchen table and "ride it out". She ended up having triple bypass.

We have weighed the pros and cons. There are a lot of cons, for sure. Bud has to get a new doctor--AGAIN. For whatever reason, up here, once you leave a doctor, they don't let you come back. They want patients that will stay with them from cradle to grave, and if you dare move and drop them as a provider, they won't take you back. So he has that BS to deal with.

One of his medications is an injectible. I usually give it to him, but there is no one to do it for him, so he will having to find someone to do it, or end up going to the doctor every two weeks to have it done, which is a major pain in the butt for him, literally. 

He will have no car. I am driving down to Florida--all 1260 miles. His mom is very stingy when it comes to driving her car. She has full coverage, but is worried that if she lets someone else drive, they might get in an accident and her insurance will go up.  Forget that I drove her everywhere for 5 months. Forget that she is the scariest driver on the planet. We are hoping our nephew will let Bud use his car, since he has a truck as well and really doesn't drive his car much.

And as I mentioned before, the separation is a huge con.  It will be hard on both of us, that is for sure. The sooner I can get a job and start saving for our own place, the better.

Florida DMV prices are ridiculous. I was going to just get a Florida driver's license, but to renew my Michigan one costs $18; to get one in Florida will be $48. I will be keeping my Michigan license, thank you very much! And getting a car tagged and registered in Florida is just as bad. I won't do any of that until after we have a permanent place of residence, and by Florida law, residency is 6 months. At least I have a little window of time there.

I know I am sounding negative, but there are a lot of Pros:

Our son lives in Florida. It will be nice to have him closer. He is in the Panhandle right now, but I am hoping he will move South once we get settled. I sure miss him!

No long winters. Bud and I both suffer from seasonal depression, and sunny Florida will be the cure for that. No shoveling snow, no scraping car windshields in the blustery cold.

Job opportunities are much more abundant down in Florida. I won't have as many younguns to compete with down there, as seniors outnumber the rest of the population 3-1 in central Florida.

Fresh start. I want to put the BS of the last three years behind us. Since we moved back to Michigan in 2009 (with that 6 month stint back in Alabama to care for friends), we have been miserable. I want to get past this and move on. Like I said, Florida wouldn't have been our first choice, but it is in the right direction--SOUTH!

Haven't told K or B yet. That should be a fun conversation...

So that is our Plan B. As soon as I hear back from my Dad, I will have a better idea when I will be heading down. I am thinking sooner than later.


Friday, October 5, 2012

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Back in the Saddle

Well, after a long hiatus, I am back on my diet.  I started tracking again on, and after three weeks, I am at the weight I was when I last used their fitness tracking program.  When K heard I was going on a diet, she jumped on the bandwagon.  She is a "me too" kind of person and always wants to do whatever anyone else is doing. I swear, she is part lemming...

My goal is to get below 200 pounds by the first of the year, and never have to see a "2" in front of my weight again. It is a very attainable goal, and I have got to do it--my health depends on it. I have a mother and a brother with diabetes, and I don't want to go there...

The lack of a job is really starting to get me down.  We are so strapped financially right now, and the friggin' SUV we just got has been in the shop 3 TIMES. Grrrrrrrrrrr, don't get me started on that one. I think all the major kinks have been taken care of now, so hopefully (knocking on wood like a mad woman) it is good to go for the winter months.  It is a V-8 and a 4x4, so you know the gas mileage sucks. But we should be able to put at least another 150,000 miles on the engine!

I just know something good is going to happen soon. We have a shut off notice on the electric, cable has already been shut off, and we don't have a dime for fuel oil. When you hit bottom, there is no way to go but up, right? Upward, ho--except my weight--that can continue to drop for a good long while. 

Saturday, September 1, 2012

House Divided

Half the house is cheering for Michigan

the other half is cheering for the Crimson Tide

Things could get ugly....

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

It's the Little Things...

While I have been mourning the fact that one of the few bloggers I follow is not going to be blogging much any more, another, who stopped blogging back in December, resurrected her blog, and that made me very happy. She is such a fantastic writer--love her wit! I am glad she is back.

I also had a great dream last night involving a wonder home that we were looking to rent. The woman renting the place said we didn't have to pay rent for the next seven months, because the the previous tenants had paid that far ahead, and didn't leave a forwarding address for her to send the rebate check. The only condition she had was that we clean it before moving in. We took the tour of it, and wasn't too bad, just needed a good once over and the carpet cleaned. (For the record, Bud and I re-cleaned any apartment or home before we moved in, as you just never know...).

The cool thing was that the home was fully furnished, and not with cheapy furniture, either. It even had dishes, pots and pans, etc. The only thing we needed to move in was our clothing and personal items! It was so cool, too--it was actually a duplex, but instead of side by side it was front and back.  The front was empty, too, and my step-sister was going to move in to it with her daughter (in my dream, the rental was owned by a member of her church--that is how we found out about it). While the woman was giving Bud and I a tour of the back unit, her son was giving my step-sister a tour of the front half.

I felt bad, because our side overlooked a beautiful lake, and her side would face the road, but she told me not to worry, because she and the son really hit it off. Turns out they had dated on and off over the years, and were reconnecting.  He owned a huge house down on the lake, and he had invited her to come live with him, no strings. 

Our side was set up pretty cool. The entrance took you directly into the kitchen. Not the kitchen of my dreams, but it was as small as some of the kitchens we have had in the past.  Beyond the kitchen was the dining room and living rooms, with a staircase that went to the lower level.  At the back of the unit was a bedroom and a bathroom. The lower level was a finished walk-out style basement, and it was obvious it had only recently been remodeled. It had three bedrooms (fully furnished, one with bunk beds) that opened to a large family room. Off the family room was a well-appointed laundry room with a new washer and dryer. The family room had a slider that opened to a walk-out patio with patio furniture and a fire pit, and that view of the lake.

I woke up thinking, "I want that house"!  I am in such a good mood, feeling positive and hopeful. I had went to sleep feeling stuck and depressed (this house is sooooooo small, it feels like we are constantly on top of one another).

Maybe things are about to change for us...fingers crossed!

Thursday, August 9, 2012


It has been raining all day--happy dance in the puddles! It really cooled off, too--only hit 70 degrees. Haven't seen 70 degrees in quite a while.  It is a nice change from the 90s and 100s.

We also got a new (to us) vehicle. It looks like this:

It drives like this:

It is an all-wheel drive, and I have never driven one before. It is going to take some getting used to!

We went to visit Bud's mom today as well, and took her for a ride. She liked it--SCORE! And a copy of my book arrived today. It was waiting for me when I got home.  So crazy--seeing it in print.  It is finally real. Even if no one reads it (oh, but I hope they do!), I feel like I have accomplished something to be proud of.

Lots of things to smile about today.  :)

Monday, August 6, 2012

I'm Published!

Finally, I am a published author! My novel officially went on sale at CreateSpace eStore in book form, and at in Kindle eBook form.  Hooray! Already sold one book--life is good!

You can review the first three chapters here:
Your feedback is appreciated!

You can buy the book here:

You can download the Kindle eBook here:

The book will also be available on in book form in about a week.

K is throwing me a party to celebrate. I am so excited!

Wednesday, July 25, 2012


I finally finished writing my novel. As it turns out, it looks like it will be a trilogy, so I will need to get started on the next one while I am waiting on the copy write for this one!

I am having Bud, K, S and our friend B read it. Bud finished it and like it, but I still have to fix any typos, spelling and grammatical errors that they find.  Then I will need to edit. I have read it once all the way through, but I need to do it when I am not so tired, as I missed a lot of spelling errors. I am going to start reading it again tonight, but I am only going to read 4-5 chapters at a time (book is 35 chapters long, plus about 20 pages of recipes at the end).

K is about 1/2 way through, and B is a 1/3 of the way through. I have to take it to Sue for her to read next. If I get the thumb's up from all of them (Sue will be my biggest, and most honest, critic), it is off to be copy written, which takes about 3 months if I do it online. Like I said, I will take advantage of that time to start the next segment in the story.

I will self-publish using either Lulu or Amazon--probably Amazon, as I would have a larger audience. We will see.

It feels good to have it done. Took three years, and several starts and stops in between. I may have to do am major edit, though, as I may have crossed the line between adult content and porn--I will have to investigate and find out what the parameters are.

Other than that, I feel pretty good about what I have accomplished.

Hope everyone is having a great day!

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Pretty Nails

50% chance of rain....we are staying in, doing each other's toe nails.  :)  May the rain gods look down favorably on us and give us the much needed rain.

Update: it rained! First time in almost 2 months.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

A Day in the Life...

We had a full day yesterday. Since it wasn't scorching hot by 9am, K and I went outside and did some yardwork. Bud had mowed the lawn the day before, and we wanted to tackle the flower beds. One side of the house had nothing planted (East side). It gets great morning light, but it is in the shade in the afternoon. We decided to divide the hostas and plant them along that side of the house.  The two existing hostas are (were) huge, so it was time to divide them anyway.  We also dug up some of the day lilies that had made there way to the front of the porch and transplanted them to the east side as well.

By dividing the hostas, we gave one of the hearty hibiscus room to grow. It was being crowded. It made it easier to weed as well.  We made a good team, and got a lot done while we were outside.  I jokingly told K she was Nature's Bitch, as she spent most of her time on her hands and knees weeding. We both laughed at that.  My one knee is so bad, it is hard to get back up anymore, so I did as much work as I could which didn't involve using my knees: deadheading flowering bushes, pulling off dead leaves, cleaning up the piles of weeds and putting them in the wheelbarrel, digging the holes and transplanting plants, etc.

We have been plans--just not the funds to bring them into fruition. Today we are going to dig up some cement patio stones, lay down gardener's fabric, then relay the stones and fill the cracks with pea gravel. We are getting tired of trying to keep it weeded. It will initially be a lot of work, but it will save us a lot of work in the long run.

Bud, K and I were out yesterday trying to drum up karaoke jobs--not easy in the summer, as most people are out on the lake and enjoying the great outdoors, not hanging out in bars. While we were out, one bar had a yard sale going on. K and I found the coolest piece--it is a rack that has oblong hanging wicker baskets. There are five tiers, and we both thought the same thing: how cool it would be outside as a planter! I am going to line each basket with gardener's fabric, and we will find some annuals to plant in each tier.  It will be mighty purty!

While we were out and about, S called and left a message on my phone stating she was lonely and would love a visit. I had called her early in the day to see if she was up to a visit, but got her answering machine. I figured she was out and about, so K and I tackled yardwork instead. She evidently had called back several times to K's phone while we were outside, and K never checked her phone before we left to go karaoke job hunting.

Of course we headed to S's as soon as we got the message.  She was kind of in a funk. I feel bad. I know she is envious that we are living with K right now, and that she doesn't get to see us every day. She is only about 20 miles away, but that is too far to go every day. K invited her to come out for supper tonight. I told K it was her baby this time, as I have been doing a lot of cooking and I felt like she needed to stretch her cooking muscles a bit.  K said she was nervous, because she isn't used to cooking for 5 people. She makes a mean pot of chili, though, and we have the fixings for a salad, so she will be just fine.

Bud and I are sitting in out on the front porch right now enjoying the hummingbirds and the early morning quiet, along with a cup o Joe. Life is good! LOL

I am excited to be working on my novel again.  K and S have not read what I have yet. I want to wait until it is complete before they read it. K, ever the diva, asked if she was in it. I told her honestly that she would find herself in several of the characters; I told S the same thing, though she would find more of herself in the next book (I have already determined that this will be a series of books, as the end of this one is really just the beginning of another story to tell). I am in there, Bud too.  ES is in the pages as well. I drew enough from my own real life experiences that it is more a work of factual fiction.  There is also some things that are obviously not true, but make for some interesting story none the less.

I am excited to be near the end of this particular novel.  I have noted on several poly boards that there are people out there looking for poly romance novels that aren't just under-delevoped erotica novels.  I think my novel fits the bill.  Yes, there is a lot of erotica in it, but it makes it more real--the sexual dynamic is part of a polygamous relationship. I will let everyone know when the book has been published!

Gotta get my butt dressed and ready to tackle to patio stones.  Hope everyone has a great day!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Faces with the Names

Here is a picture of K, S and I at my graduation party. K is in red, S is sitting next to her, and me and my three chins are behind them. I thought maybe putting faces with the initials I use in my posts would help. K is wife number one (common law, never legally married), S is wife number two (married on paper a year, then divorced), and of course, I am wife number 3. ES was wife number 4, and as I have posted, she and Bud did go get married at the courthouse, so they had a marriage on paper as well.

S is facing shoulder replacement surgery, and she is scared to death. K and I have both offered to assist her during her recovery, but she is embarrassed to be put in a position of needing help--that is just how she is. She is very independent and proud. Hopefully she will swallow her pride and let us help her while she recovers. She is such an enigma. As fiercely independent as she is, she is the one who finds communal living with K, Bud and I the most attractive. She is almost childlike when she talks about how wonderful having a sisterhood under one roof would be. She craves and repels physical intimacy at the same time. Like I said, an enigma.

K is very tactile and sexual.  I don't think she could ever commit to just one person--I think polyamory suits her just fine. I recently heard the term pansexual--yup, that's K. She just really, really enjoys sex irregardless of the gender or sexual orientations of her partners. She recently began exploring the poly sites, and a few nights ago, she says, "you know, we are pretty much a polygynous family..."  Any time I have talked about us being an unconventional poly family, she pretended she knew what I meant. I think she finally gets it!

We are all very different, but we oddly complement one another. Don't we look like gals you would want to be your friends?  :)

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

The Back Story

I know I have spoken of various other wives in many other posts, and it gets confusing at times. If you are lurking and not in the know, I consider myself a polygamist, though I loath slapping labels on myself or others.  To put it simply, I believe that some people are capable of compersion--they receive joy in seeing others happy.  They are capable of being in loving, committed relationships with more than one spouse at a time--called polyamory.

People enter polygamy for many different reasons, and there are many forms of poly out there.  I believe as long as you are not hurting other people and are not "abusing the system"--that the relationships are free -will and not forced--live and let live.  I say we need more love in the world, not less.

I have been of the "poly mind-set" since I was very young, although I didn't know it was called polygamy. I just wondered why people couldn't be married to more than one person at a time if they loved them. I remember being so relieved when I was dating Bud and we had those long, all-night conversations about anything and everything that the subject of loving more than one person at a time came up. Even then, Bud and I were not calling it polygamy. We just were amazed and intrigued that we were of the like-mind on the subject of loving more than one person. At that point, I already knew K and was well-aware of their long romance. They had been an exclusive couple for more than 7 years--Bud was 16 when they met, Kate was 19.  When they decided to split, it wasn't for lack of love for each other. Even after I met her, it was obvious that the two of them still loved each other immensely. I admired the relationship rather than envy it.

It was K and B who introduced Bud to S, Bud's second wife.  As you may recall from an earlier post, B is a very good friend of K and Bud, and their lives have been intertwined for years. In fact, K and B were a couple for a short time.  I know! Bud, B and I are all the same age; K is three years older, and S is 20 years older. Bud and S were married a year. They love each other dearly, but at that time, they truly could not live together under one roof. As with K, they remained fiercely loyal to one another. That was 4 years before I met Bud.

I am wife number 3, and for all intents and purposes, I am the primary wife, as I am the one who has been married to him for 18 years. K and S have both been in my life nearly as long, since I met them while Bud and I were still dating. There are so many intertwinings in our lives. Bud and I both grew up in the same small town, and went to the same elementary school, though he was a grade ahead of me, and we never knew one another (or rather, neither of us has a memory or recollection of the other at that age). I went to high school with S's son. He lived with his father at that point, and I never knew S back then.  Her son was the best friend of my high school sweetheart. S later worked with my step-mother, which Bud and I figured out one night after we were dating.

Through the years, Bud has maintained relationships with all of his wives, though we never had lived under one roof.  As S is fond of saying, "Bud never gets rid of his wives, but keeps them near..."  Several times over the years, we have spoken of getting a home together. Much laughter and tears have been shared amongst us, many meals and cups of coffee have been consumed.

Bud and I made the move to Alabama in 2000, and we lived there until the end of 2009. We met ES in 2006. ES was our first attempt at truly living a polygamous life under one roof with another partner. She and Bud married in April of 2006, and Bud and I remained legally married as well. We were together 3 years before she moved to Florida to care for her father. By that time, the relationship between she and I had become strained.  Her health had taken a toll on all of us. She pushed us away, and the anger she felt over her illness was often unleashed on those she loved--Bud and I. She wanted to be in control, as she was used to always having control. But she often felt helpless and victimized by the PAD, diabetes, Lyme's disease, and chronic pain. Not to mention losing a leg. ES was never the same after that...

ES passed in December of 2010. It was quite a shock.  We had been discussing once again getting all the wives under one roof, but I wasn't ready. Things were still too raw and painful, and I needed more time to heal...

So there you have it: the 4 wives of Bud.  Granted, we never have all lived under one roof, and it is rather non-conventional according to poly standards, but we are a poly family. We all love each other beyond friendship--no envy, no jealousy, nothing we can't say to one another. We tend to be starkly honest with one another. We each have very different personalities and talents, but we eagerly foster each other's strengths, and are there to catch each other when one of us takes a fall.

Because K, S and I have had longer to develop our relationships, I am not sure ES thrown in the mix so soon would have worked.  Don't get me wrong--ES was very strong.  But she liked to be the boss, and I know that wouldn't have flown with K and S.  They are both very strong women as well.  I tended to let ES bulldoze over me rather than having a confrontation with her; ES would never have been able to bulldoze K or S. I think the 4 of us under one roof would have been hell for Bud--just my honest opinion. Having that many strong-willed women around would have probably put him over the edge!

I know I am a strong woman as well, but it a much different way.  I have perseverance. I tend to internalize a lot so as not to burden others.

I know that if we were to miraculously come in to a boat load of money, we would be looking for the perfect property with either an existing home to accommodate us, or one we could build on.  Heck, I have already designed a home with three wings and a large common area consisting of the living room, kitchen and dining room.  I think each of us needs our space, but we long to be near each other.  God willing, some day, maybe we will have our perfect arrangement.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012


We are slowly settling in to new routine here with K and B. K has been in Bud's life since he was a teenager, and she has been a part of my life for almost 19 years(!)--man time flies...Bud has known B almost as long as he has known K. The three of them were almost inseparable back in the day.

While K has been in my life as long as Bud, this is the first time we have actually lived under one roof. We have talked about it at length over the years: Bud, K, S and I living under one roof. We actually looked for a house on and off over the years that would afford us each our own space, yet ample common area to share.

Things have been fine, if not hectic. With K's car dying two days after we arrived, we have found ourselves without a car some days, like today. She works part time, but two days a week, it is an 8 hour day. We were home alone all day today--and it was nice! After living with MIL, it is nice to be able to hang with my hubby without feeling pressure.

Last night, K wanted to sing (one of her gifts). I was tired, and the dogs don't like the loud music, so we sacked out in the bedroom and Bud helped K run and adjust the equipment.  It is still new, so I don't know how things will be down the road, but I do feel like a whole layer of stress and expectation has been lifted. I have been cooking dinner, and K and B are THRILLED to come home to meals hot and ready to eat.  And they like veggies (well, K more than B, but they both loved the zucchini and cabbage I did on the grill day before last; Bud wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole!)

Bud's second wife, S, is coming for dinner tomorrow, so he will once again have all the wives in one place. We really do all get along well, and enjoy each other's company. Time will tell!

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Just When Our Lives Couldn't Get Crazier....

Bud and I will be moving for the umpteenth trillion time next weekend. We are actually--get this--moving in with Bud's first wife, K, and her roommate (who also happens to be a long-time friend of Bud's). So Bud will have two of his wives under one roof again!

We haven't told MIL yet--she is away for the weekend and won't get back until later this afternoon. This will go over like a lead balloon, let me tell ya.  We have been living with her a year--a YEAR! I know she is gotten used to us doing things around here. Not that she is not capable of doing 85% of what we do; we just try to earn our keep and make it easier for her. I think she has only cooked a half dozen times in the year we have been here. She has not had to vacuum once. I think she has done the dishes 5 times.   She does keep her own room cleaned up, and she does the sink and stool once a week. Gonna be a major adjustment for her to say the least.

We will be about an hour away, so it is not like we are moving across the country.  We will still be mowing her lawn every few weeks, and helping her with anything she cannot do herself. We will check in with her daily to make sure she is okay.

It will be a major adjustment for us as well.  We have been in caregiver mode for TWO YEARS. And we will be moving in to a home 1/2 the size of this one--and we think this one is small! LOL

We actually went out last night--for real! We joined K at a bar that was doing a Hometown Idol contest, and K made it to the next round! Bud and K kept urging me to enter the contest, but that is just not my thing. Not that I am not competitive. I am just more competitive with myself. And okay, I am competitive playing Scrabble on Facebook. But the players on Facebook aren't "real" to me--they are just faceless entities I am playing against. I might as well be playing with a computer. And since Bud and I were karaoke hosts for years and years, I am a firm believer that karaoke isn't supposed to be a competition; it is supposed to be an outlet for anyone who has the desire to sing, no matter what their skill level. When you turn it into a competition, someone who may have finally found the nerve to get up and put themselves out there might change their mind and never get up and all. Just sayin'...

Back to the move. I am NOT looking forward to telling MIL.  No matter how we tell her, it is going to put her in a fowl move. It doesn't matter that we are making the move so that I can avoid driving 60 miles for a new job; she will still take it personally.  She and I just had a big talk on Thursday, because she has been  saying things that intentionally try and hurt my feelings (criticizing how I cook or making me feel like I am not doing enough around the house). She told me I was too sensitive, and that I basically need to harden myself like she has. She said she used to bite her tongue, but as she ages, she is more outspoken; I told her that is fine, but there is such a thing as tact and kindness.

This has been coming for a while.  MIL has just about put Bud over the edge (I would probably be the same way if we were living with my mom, in all fairness. I love her to death, but I SURE couldn't live with her!) MIL has another son who actually lives right in town, but they are truly oil and water. They do NOT get along at all, so I know she will not ask him for anything and vice versa.  Any time he has tried to help, it has not been appreciated, and she has found a way to negate any efforts he has made to help and make amends in their relationship.  (Long back story here, but he truly did put every member of the family through hell for years).

Bud's other brother is in Malaysia.  He has power of attorney and is the sole heir, so our hands have always been tied. He stayed here for 6 months last year after FIL passed. I am hoping that he finds a way to move back soon, as I know if MIL passes while he is overseas, it will be a mess on our end. She has verbally given us a list of some things she wants her other DIL to have, things she wants Bud to have, things she wants me to have, etc, but she is unwilling to add a codicil to her will with these wishes. Bud and I have told her that unless she has it in writing, her verbal wishes are mute. The option is to give the items to those she wants to have them while she is still living, but she said she doesn't want to part with anything  yet. Sigh.

She at one time said if she passed, Bud and I could stay in this house as long as we wanted; sorry, but I am not doing upkeep and sinking money into a home that is not ours. I do know that Bud's brother in Malaysia would come back to Michigan if MIL bought the ticket; I suspect maybe with us gone, she will do just that, I don't know.

Whoa! I sure derailed my topic, didn't I? LOL I think as stressful as a move is, this will be a good change for us in the short run. Wish us luck! Anyone out there want to break the news to MIL???

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Clawing My Way Back to the Land of the Living

In an effort to "stabilize", I have been trying to do more outside these days.  I planted strawberries (I won! MIL conceded and allowed me to plant them where I wanted to in the first place.), morning glories along the fence row, honeysuckle and jasmine alone the other fence row, butterfly bushes, hummingbird way to keep busy and not fall into a pit of madness.

I hung hummingbird feeders over a month ago, and we finally had our first visitor yesterday. He looked like this one:
I couldn't grab the camera fast enough to get a picture.
He sure was a pretty one, though! I don't know if it was a scout or not, I just hope he gets the word out that we are feeding his kind!

It is going to be a bad year for ticks.  I have already pulled three off of me in the last two days--not a good start. Need to start the dogs on Frontline asap!

Still no job, and I still have hemorrhoids, if anyone is keeping track.  Lordy, why does aging have to be so undignified at times?

I am heading out now to enjoy the last of the sunlight and see if I can catch another glimpse of hummingbirds.
Sorry I have been in such a negative funk. I know things will get better eventually--they always do.

Monday, April 30, 2012

Treading Water

I am not a swimmer, so the fact that I use the above title to describe how I feel right now is no coincidence. My health is doing better physically, but mentally, I feel on the edge all. of. the. time. I wait for the wave that is going to come rushing over my head; I wait to feel myself pulled under in the undertow; I wait to feel so tired, I just stop trying.

MIL has me doing Spring Cleaning. She pronounced that she wanted to get it done, which means I have to get it done. I have been tackling it little by little, but there is a long, long way to go.

We had a gathering this weekend of family and friends. We had planned to do a cookout back when the weather was in the 80's in February, figuring surely the last weekend before May would be nice enough to cook and eat outside. Stupid mortals...

Of course, it was ridiculously cold and rainy, and we had to move the party indoors.  We did karaoke, which was fun for about two hours, then I couldn't wait for it to get over with. I was tired. Bud was tired.

The reason we were so tired was all the pre-party work that went into it.  Had to clean and rearrange the living room to make space for the karaoke equipment. I had to make all the accompanying food to go with the burgers I was cooking on the grill. MIL was calling people for three day to make sure they were still coming and assuring them it was still on, rain or shine.

Back to Spring Cleaning. Part of the cleaning is the storage room, which is a mess.  It happens to be where our life is right now, packed away in boxes. She wants it cleaned out and organized. I don't mind, but it was hard to get at with our karaoke equipment in there as well. Since we had pulled all our karaoke equipment out for the party, I asked if we could leave it set up in the living room a few days so we could tackle the storage room. She said it was okay, but then the day after the party, she announces she wants the equipment out of the living room.

Sooooooo, Bud and I have to scramble and try and get the storage room cleaned and organized and get the equipment out of the living room today. It is an enormous task that should really be tackled over several days, but we have to somehow pull it off today, or MIL will get beyond moody. When she wants something done, it needs to be done, NOW.

I think I need swimming lessons.

Thursday, April 19, 2012


Sorry for the long hiatus from the blog. I just haven't felt like being here. I no longer have a job (self-inflicted termination), and I have an annoying health issue that has been driving me insane since the 27th of March: hemorrhoids.

And when I say driving me insane, I mean quite literally.  I am anxious, stressed, losing sleep, uncomfortable or in pain constantly...I have been to the ER twice, hoping for relief. You know what they did to "help"? They gave me Valium for the anxiety and some "butt paste" that was absolutely worthless on the first visit, and they gave me Tylenol 3 and another "butt paste" on the second visit. The codeine in the Tylenol 3 triggered a migraine yesterday, and I spent the whole day in bed.

In the meantime, my literal pain in the ass is becoming a huge pain in the ass! They are thrombosed, which means they are external and have formed blood clots--two, big (relative here.  They are the size of lima beans, but feel like cantaloupes) bulging masses hanging out of my rear end. UGH!

I know this is really, REALLY too much information, but jeezo petes! I have no job, no insurance, no money. There are NO doctors in this area who will accept patients without insurance. My only option is the ER, and I just can't WAIT to get the bill for the two worthless visits I have made thus far.

I spend a good chunk of my day sitting in sitz baths to get some relief and keep the area clean. I use Preparation H wipes to cool and soothe the area. I use witch hazel to try and shrink them. I use prayer to try and stay sane.

On that note, I can't sit here any longer.  Just an update, of sorts. Sorry it is so negative and graphic.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

A Day With My Husband

It was a wonderful day. I got to spend the majority of it with my husband. We went and bought a pair of comfortable shoes for my first day at work, and a few odds and ends we needed here at the house. It may not seem like much, but it was really nice. Not stressed out, just in the moment with one another.

MIL has been gone most of the day, and is due home any minute. Just wanted to tell everyone how much I enjoy my husband's company. Still.  :-)

Friday, January 27, 2012

I Got It!

After 470 days without a paying job, I am now officially employed. I accepted the position at the Amish Country Inn/Splash Universe Resort, and I start February 6th. Finally, we will have a pot to piss in!

Monday, January 23, 2012

High Hopes

Saturday I saw a posting on for a management position at a family resort near here, and applied. At noon today, I got a call for an interview.

I was pretty confident I would get the call, as I have a lot of experience managing housekeeping departments, from our own mom-and-pop cleaning business 17 years ago, to running the department for a 341 guestroom, AAA 4-diamond hotel just a year ago. I go Wednesday for the interview.

Ironically, we saw on the news today that a portion of that property, the adjoining water park, is in jeopardy of being sold off for back taxes. Don't know what that means for the hotel and conference center yet, but you know I will be asking on Wednesday! Sure don't want to take a position only to have them close the doors in March.

If there are money management issues at play, I may be walking into a prime opportunity for a potential assistant GM position, or at the very least, an acting GM while they do a search for someone more qualified. I am going to make sure that I hit the ground running and learn as much as I can about the hotel and how it operates.

Trip Advisor has some abysmal ratings for the property; I intend to be the wind of change and improve the quality and the customer service of the hotel. There are only 5 hotels in Shipshewana, and this one is rated 4th. Gotta to better than that! I want to get them in the number one spot--I want them to want to be number one! Customer service is one of my pet peeves. I have threatened to open a school just for customer service skills. So many people are in the services industry that have no business serving others. They have crappy attitudes and don't give a flip about the customer. I will "clean house", so to speak, so I can hire the RIGHT people for the job. Yup--I am going to shake things up.

I am putting together my punch list of questions to ask during the interview, and I hope that I will start as soon as next week. (Yes, I may sound over-confident, but as Jennifer Hudson says, "I got this!")

***update: had my interview today at 10am; I got a call at 2pm, asking if I could come back in tomorrow to speak with the regional Executive Director. Uh, HELL YEAH! I will let you know how it goes...

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Having "Issues" Again

I am not ignoring comments--I just am unable to reply. I can post on other blogs, but I can't reply on my own! Had this issue before, but the "cure" didn't work this time.

new#3, thanks for your encouragement. Do you paint? I noted that you commented you could almost paint that sunset.

BC, extra pinkies, both hands. They tied them off like a belly-button when I was an infant. Those stubs sure are sensitive little suckers!

Hopefully I will get the kinks worked out. Thanks for reading!

Friday, January 20, 2012


I have plastered this section of the state with applications and resumes. I got my first "official" rejection letter today. Sadly, most businesses do not have the common courtesy to let applicants know they have not been selected. Most of them state they save money by not sending out rejection letters. I know when I was a manager, I told each and every candidate I interviewed that I would call them, regardless if I hired them or not. I figure it is the very least an employer can do. I have been on the other end, and I know what waiting can be like.

I am still going to substitute teach as soon as the background check comes back and I get the go-ahead to start accepting substitute slots. NOT looking forward to driving to the very rural school districts in Michigan winter. UGH!

The only thing with substitute teaching is it is not a sure gig. Some weeks, I may work 5 days, some, I may not work any. The network is built so that those who have established themselves as trustworthy subs get called first. Since I am a newbie, I am quite a way down the calling list. Still, it is something. It is income, and it is doing something worthwhile. MIL says there is no way she would ever step foot in a classroom; I, however, have always loved education. I love seeing the spark when a child grasps a concept and the confidence it builds.

Even when I was a high school student, I volunteered a free period to be a student cadet teacher, as they were called. I got to go down to the elementary and middle school (schools were all on the same campus) and help a teacher for an hour. Many times, it was to the elementary school to help kids struggling with reading; sometimes, it was helping middle school students struggling with math.

As an adult, I volunteered in my son's elementary and middle school. For those who don't know what a middle school is, it is essentially upper elementary combined with junior high--usually 5th through 8th grades. My son has socialization and behavioural issues due to mental illnesses. Being in his classroom often helped keep him focused and stabilized. Part of the problem, we learned, was my son is very intelligent and was not being challenged. He instead used his energy to act out. I think dealing with the challenged of raising my son helped prepare me for the challenges that lay ahead in the classroom.

I just know that I am getting ants in the pants because of our finances. I need to be generating income ASAP. I can see how stressed out my hubby is due to money. That and dealing with winter (4-7 inches due tonight) is depressing both of us.

I am still putting out applications on a daily basis. Someone will hire me at some point. It is the waiting that is killing me...

Thursday, January 12, 2012

I'm a Sucker for a Sunset

This was taken with a not-so-fancy digital camera.  The sky went from purple to orange so fast! I forgot to take the flash off for the second picture, so it is weird looking, but you can still see that band of orange on the horizon. I had to change batteries in my camera, so I was lucky I caught any of the sunset, it happened so fast.

24 hours later, it was snowing and blowing so hard, you couldn't see across the road....I'm counting the days until Spring.

I am currently playing scrabble with 24 other people on Facebook. Obsessed, much? I was so wired last night, I just kept clicking "find a game to join". Finally made myself go to bed at 3am. Ugh! Can't keep doing that!

My book is now just under 145 typed pages (letter-sized). I need to get ink and get it printed so I can do some editing. Feeling hopeful about having it done sooner rather than later.

I am going to hit the sack at a decent hour, as I am sure we will need to shovel and clean the car for MIL in the a.m. if this keeps up. They are predicting about 12 inches. Yay.  NOT!

Monday, January 9, 2012

What's in My Craw Today is...

...people with holier-than-thou attitudes. Grrrrrrrr! Just rubs me the wrong way. 'nough said.

This has been brought to you by the letters "U" (as in up) and the letter "Y" (as in yours). This is not directed at anyone who reads this blog. I love y'all! There are just some mean-spirited people who delight in making others feel inferior to their self-annointed superiority. Double Grrrrrrrr!

It is bad enough when it is directed at me, but it really grinds me when I witness them unleash themselves on others who are meek and would never stand up for themselves.  Triple Grrrrrrrr!

Okay, now it is, 'nough said!

Off my soapbox.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Time to Work on the Book

2012 is the year that my book is going to be completed, published, and read. I have not worked on it in a long time, and it bothers me that I have neglected it for so long.

I was able to check off "complete my degree" from my To Do list last month. It felt good to get it done.  I will feel even better when the book is done.

I also started posting on Sisterwives again. I haven't followed the board in a long time, and there are lots of new faces. Many familiar faces. And sadly, some no longer posting. As in life, though, some people are meant to be in your life for but a moment; others are meant to accompany you on your journey for longer. Some move in and out of your path, woven into the fabric of your life, but not always evident; others are the golden threads that bring the tapestry to life, hold it together, and give it substance. Bud is one of my golden threads...

I can't wait for the day that I can announce that my book is complete. It is a work of factual fiction. Much of the book is from my vivid imagination, but many of the characters are composites of the many people who have been a part of my journey.

Journey on!

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