Saturday, August 10, 2013


It is amazing how the body can manifest physical symptoms of stress. Bud and I have both been suffering from back issues--his is his lower back, and mine is more in the thorax region. It was so bad for me last week, I had to miss a day of work and have Bud take me to the ER--just got the bill, and THAT just doubled my stress!

We are also taking our stress to bed with us.  We have both suffered from fitful nights these last several weeks. For Bud, it has taken a turn to violent outburst when he is in the deepest sleep. Usually it is the yelling that wakes me up, but sometimes, it is the blows.  Lately, he has taken to beating the shit out of a particular family member in his dreams each night. Unfortunately, he physically acts out his dream, and some nights, I have to jump out of bed fast!f

Bud, or course, feels awful that he had been taking swings at me in the dark as he beats the tar out of this person. I find it intriguing that Bud's sub-conscious has decided the best way to relieve the stress is to punch the living daylights out of this person--dream therapy? We can do things in our dreams that we really can't act out in reality (translated: vindication in dream state, prison term in reality).

I have been having dreams about my son on almost a nightly basis.  One night, he was a young warlock who wasn't able to control his immense powers; another night, he was just a little kid who ends up being punished in a way for something that was really my fault; in yet another, we were helping him move, and I realized he had so little to actually move, it made me sad.

As Bud's doctor pointed out, we need to focus on the stuff we can control, and stop stressing about the things beyond our control.  We have a roof over our head; we are not starving; we have electric and water and a toilet that flushes; we have transportation; we have friends; we have family; we have each other. The rest?  It is just stuff. We can't control it, so we need to just let it go as best we can and concentrate on the things that bring us peace.

I had just started riding my bike and doing yoga when this back stuff started to flair up. I am going to try and start back with the yoga little by little, and finding time each day to just meditate on peaceful, peace-filled thoughts. Hopefully, the new sleep medication will help Bud to have a tension-less night so he can get a real night's sleep.  Maybe, just maybe, we can release the stress, and it will release its grip on our backs.

To the things I can't control: Kiss my ass!

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