Saturday, August 10, 2013


It is amazing how the body can manifest physical symptoms of stress. Bud and I have both been suffering from back issues--his is his lower back, and mine is more in the thorax region. It was so bad for me last week, I had to miss a day of work and have Bud take me to the ER--just got the bill, and THAT just doubled my stress!

We are also taking our stress to bed with us.  We have both suffered from fitful nights these last several weeks. For Bud, it has taken a turn to violent outburst when he is in the deepest sleep. Usually it is the yelling that wakes me up, but sometimes, it is the blows.  Lately, he has taken to beating the shit out of a particular family member in his dreams each night. Unfortunately, he physically acts out his dream, and some nights, I have to jump out of bed fast!f

Bud, or course, feels awful that he had been taking swings at me in the dark as he beats the tar out of this person. I find it intriguing that Bud's sub-conscious has decided the best way to relieve the stress is to punch the living daylights out of this person--dream therapy? We can do things in our dreams that we really can't act out in reality (translated: vindication in dream state, prison term in reality).

I have been having dreams about my son on almost a nightly basis.  One night, he was a young warlock who wasn't able to control his immense powers; another night, he was just a little kid who ends up being punished in a way for something that was really my fault; in yet another, we were helping him move, and I realized he had so little to actually move, it made me sad.

As Bud's doctor pointed out, we need to focus on the stuff we can control, and stop stressing about the things beyond our control.  We have a roof over our head; we are not starving; we have electric and water and a toilet that flushes; we have transportation; we have friends; we have family; we have each other. The rest?  It is just stuff. We can't control it, so we need to just let it go as best we can and concentrate on the things that bring us peace.

I had just started riding my bike and doing yoga when this back stuff started to flair up. I am going to try and start back with the yoga little by little, and finding time each day to just meditate on peaceful, peace-filled thoughts. Hopefully, the new sleep medication will help Bud to have a tension-less night so he can get a real night's sleep.  Maybe, just maybe, we can release the stress, and it will release its grip on our backs.

To the things I can't control: Kiss my ass!


  1. There's nothing like stress to ruin your sleep; and cause physical ailments of all kinds. For many years, while married to my son's father I had terrible back issues much of which was caused by the tension and stress that permeated our house. How do I know? Years of going to a chiropractor sometimes 3 or 4 times a week, with only minimal results...the pain or muscle spasms would always return. Moved out. Voila! Root out whatever is causing the stress that's the only thing you can do..besides meditate. Yoga sigh...I miss doing yoga, I will have to try to get back in to it.

  2. I can't put words in Bud's mouth, but I can say my stress is all from our finances and my lack of health insurance. I took a huge paycut to take this job--love the job--but it means we are literally back to living on the edge. Sigh.

    It is my fault--I just could not do the 70 hour work week and the physical part of the last job. It was a decent check, but was taking its toll. This job is 32 hours a week--wonderful to have a three day weekend and enjoy my clientele, but as I said, it really isn't enough to live on, and I knew it when I took the job.

    Our 'splurge' is breakfast once a week at Charlies: less than $10 for the two of us. We only have one vehicle, so Bud is stuck home all week going stir crazy. Friday is the one day we get out: we go pay bills, go to Bud's never-ending doctor's appts, pick up scripts, put gas in the car, buy a few dollars worth of groceries, and then treat ourselves to our $3.20 breakfast special.

    I have just got to let go of what I can't control. I will hope that an income opportunity arises (karoake job, cleaning job, anything job) and in the meantime, try and stop worrying myself into the grave over friggin' money!

    Bud and I have each other, thank goodness. :)

  3. Oi Wey or however you spell it. Both for the two of you and new#3. I really hoped you were doing better financially. Maybe Bud can pick up some little jobs here and there. My friend in Sacramento gets the use of my car and I send her a little money to water and stuff around the outside of my mobile there. She is like 70 and supports herself, useless daughter and granddaughter. Social Security plus all the little stuff from me, those who need grub from the store, need bath couple times a week, meal couple times, lite cleaning inside or outside, etc etc. She totally brings in the money. I feel so bad for her. She also does really hard outside work, and fell off a ladder last year and broke her leg but keeps on trucking on. Bless her.
    I'd forgotten about your trip to Disney. I love going to amusement parks. Go on all the rides to this day. Disney does a great job.
    My sis set me up with a shrink. Makes me go because I can't get unstuck from where I am right now. If I can get over this hump maybe I can progress. Unfortunately for my friend, when I'm better, maybe in the spring considering weather, I'll clear out mobile and arrange for what I want to be shipped and give up the mobile, and take the car back so she will be without. But I can't afford to just give it to her. Makes me feel bad.


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