Just When Our Lives Couldn't Get Crazier....

Bud and I will be moving for the umpteenth trillion time next weekend. We are actually--get this--moving in with Bud's first wife, K, and her roommate (who also happens to be a long-time friend of Bud's). So Bud will have two of his wives under one roof again!

We haven't told MIL yet--she is away for the weekend and won't get back until later this afternoon. This will go over like a lead balloon, let me tell ya.  We have been living with her a year--a YEAR! I know she is gotten used to us doing things around here. Not that she is not capable of doing 85% of what we do; we just try to earn our keep and make it easier for her. I think she has only cooked a half dozen times in the year we have been here. She has not had to vacuum once. I think she has done the dishes 5 times.   She does keep her own room cleaned up, and she does the sink and stool once a week. Gonna be a major adjustment for her to say the least.

We will be about an hour away, so it is not like we are moving across the country.  We will still be mowing her lawn every few weeks, and helping her with anything she cannot do herself. We will check in with her daily to make sure she is okay.

It will be a major adjustment for us as well.  We have been in caregiver mode for TWO YEARS. And we will be moving in to a home 1/2 the size of this one--and we think this one is small! LOL

We actually went out last night--for real! We joined K at a bar that was doing a Hometown Idol contest, and K made it to the next round! Bud and K kept urging me to enter the contest, but that is just not my thing. Not that I am not competitive. I am just more competitive with myself. And okay, I am competitive playing Scrabble on Facebook. But the players on Facebook aren't "real" to me--they are just faceless entities I am playing against. I might as well be playing with a computer. And since Bud and I were karaoke hosts for years and years, I am a firm believer that karaoke isn't supposed to be a competition; it is supposed to be an outlet for anyone who has the desire to sing, no matter what their skill level. When you turn it into a competition, someone who may have finally found the nerve to get up and put themselves out there might change their mind and never get up and all. Just sayin'...

Back to the move. I am NOT looking forward to telling MIL.  No matter how we tell her, it is going to put her in a fowl move. It doesn't matter that we are making the move so that I can avoid driving 60 miles for a new job; she will still take it personally.  She and I just had a big talk on Thursday, because she has been  saying things that intentionally try and hurt my feelings (criticizing how I cook or making me feel like I am not doing enough around the house). She told me I was too sensitive, and that I basically need to harden myself like she has. She said she used to bite her tongue, but as she ages, she is more outspoken; I told her that is fine, but there is such a thing as tact and kindness.

This has been coming for a while.  MIL has just about put Bud over the edge (I would probably be the same way if we were living with my mom, in all fairness. I love her to death, but I SURE couldn't live with her!) MIL has another son who actually lives right in town, but they are truly oil and water. They do NOT get along at all, so I know she will not ask him for anything and vice versa.  Any time he has tried to help, it has not been appreciated, and she has found a way to negate any efforts he has made to help and make amends in their relationship.  (Long back story here, but he truly did put every member of the family through hell for years).

Bud's other brother is in Malaysia.  He has power of attorney and is the sole heir, so our hands have always been tied. He stayed here for 6 months last year after FIL passed. I am hoping that he finds a way to move back soon, as I know if MIL passes while he is overseas, it will be a mess on our end. She has verbally given us a list of some things she wants her other DIL to have, things she wants Bud to have, things she wants me to have, etc, but she is unwilling to add a codicil to her will with these wishes. Bud and I have told her that unless she has it in writing, her verbal wishes are mute. The option is to give the items to those she wants to have them while she is still living, but she said she doesn't want to part with anything  yet. Sigh.

She at one time said if she passed, Bud and I could stay in this house as long as we wanted; sorry, but I am not doing upkeep and sinking money into a home that is not ours. I do know that Bud's brother in Malaysia would come back to Michigan if MIL bought the ticket; I suspect maybe with us gone, she will do just that, I don't know.

Whoa! I sure derailed my topic, didn't I? LOL I think as stressful as a move is, this will be a good change for us in the short run. Wish us luck! Anyone out there want to break the news to MIL???

Clawing My Way Back to the Land of the Living

In an effort to "stabilize", I have been trying to do more outside these days.  I planted strawberries (I won! MIL conceded and allowed me to plant them where I wanted to in the first place.), morning glories along the fence row, honeysuckle and jasmine alone the other fence row, butterfly bushes, hummingbird vines...my way to keep busy and not fall into a pit of madness.

I hung hummingbird feeders over a month ago, and we finally had our first visitor yesterday. He looked like this one:

I couldn't grab the camera fast enough to get a picture.

He sure was a pretty one, though! I don't know if it was a scout or not, I just hope he gets the word out that we are feeding his kind!

It is going to be a bad year for ticks.  I have already pulled three off of me in the last two days--not a good start. Need to start the dogs on Frontline asap!

Still no job, and I still have hemorrhoids, if anyone is keeping track.  Lordy, why does aging have to be so undignified at times?

I am heading out now to enjoy the last of the sunlight and see if I can catch another glimpse of hummingbirds.

Sorry I have been in such a negative funk. I know things will get better eventually--they always do.



Treading Water

I am not a swimmer, so the fact that I use the above title to describe how I feel right now is no coincidence. My health is doing better physically, but mentally, I feel on the edge all. of. the. time. I wait for the wave that is going to come rushing over my head; I wait to feel myself pulled under in the undertow; I wait to feel so tired, I just stop trying.

MIL has me doing Spring Cleaning. She pronounced that she wanted to get it done, which means I have to get it done. I have been tackling it little by little, but there is a long, long way to go.

We had a gathering this weekend of family and friends. We had planned to do a cookout back when the weather was in the 80's in February, figuring surely the last weekend before May would be nice enough to cook and eat outside. Stupid mortals...

Of course, it was ridiculously cold and rainy, and we had to move the party indoors.  We did karaoke, which was fun for about two hours, then I couldn't wait for it to get over with. I was tired. Bud was tired.

The reason we were so tired was all the pre-party work that went into it.  Had to clean and rearrange the living room to make space for the karaoke equipment. I had to make all the accompanying food to go with the burgers I was cooking on the grill. MIL was calling people for three day to make sure they were still coming and assuring them it was still on, rain or shine.

Back to Spring Cleaning. Part of the cleaning is the storage room, which is a mess.  It happens to be where our life is right now, packed away in boxes. She wants it cleaned out and organized. I don't mind, but it was hard to get at with our karaoke equipment in there as well. Since we had pulled all our karaoke equipment out for the party, I asked if we could leave it set up in the living room a few days so we could tackle the storage room. She said it was okay, but then the day after the party, she announces she wants the equipment out of the living room.

Sooooooo, Bud and I have to scramble and try and get the storage room cleaned and organized and get the equipment out of the living room today. It is an enormous task that should really be tackled over several days, but we have to somehow pull it off today, or MIL will get beyond moody. When she wants something done, it needs to be done, NOW.

I think I need swimming lessons.

MIA

Sorry for the long hiatus from the blog. I just haven't felt like being here. I no longer have a job (self-inflicted termination), and I have an annoying health issue that has been driving me insane since the 27th of March: hemorrhoids.

And when I say driving me insane, I mean quite literally.  I am anxious, stressed, losing sleep, uncomfortable or in pain constantly...I have been to the ER twice, hoping for relief. You know what they did to "help"? They gave me Valium for the anxiety and some "butt paste" that was absolutely worthless on the first visit, and they gave me Tylenol 3 and another "butt paste" on the second visit. The codeine in the Tylenol 3 triggered a migraine yesterday, and I spent the whole day in bed.

In the meantime, my literal pain in the ass is becoming a huge pain in the ass! They are thrombosed, which means they are external and have formed blood clots--two, big (relative here.  They are the size of lima beans, but feel like cantaloupes) bulging masses hanging out of my rear end. UGH!

I know this is really, REALLY too much information, but jeezo petes! I have no job, no insurance, no money. There are NO doctors in this area who will accept patients without insurance. My only option is the ER, and I just can't WAIT to get the bill for the two worthless visits I have made thus far.

I spend a good chunk of my day sitting in sitz baths to get some relief and keep the area clean. I use Preparation H wipes to cool and soothe the area. I use witch hazel to try and shrink them. I use prayer to try and stay sane.

On that note, I can't sit here any longer.  Just an update, of sorts. Sorry it is so negative and graphic.

A Day With My Husband

It was a wonderful day. I got to spend the majority of it with my husband. We went and bought a pair of comfortable shoes for my first day at work, and a few odds and ends we needed here at the house. It may not seem like much, but it was really nice. Not stressed out, just in the moment with one another.

MIL has been gone most of the day, and is due home any minute. Just wanted to tell everyone how much I enjoy my husband's company. Still.  :-)

I Got It!

After 470 days without a paying job, I am now officially employed. I accepted the position at the Amish Country Inn/Splash Universe Resort, and I start February 6th. Finally, we will have a pot to piss in!

High Hopes

Saturday I saw a posting on Monster.com for a management position at a family resort near here, and applied. At noon today, I got a call for an interview.

I was pretty confident I would get the call, as I have a lot of experience managing housekeeping departments, from our own mom-and-pop cleaning business 17 years ago, to running the department for a 341 guestroom, AAA 4-diamond hotel just a year ago. I go Wednesday for the interview.

Ironically, we saw on the news today that a portion of that property, the adjoining water park, is in jeopardy of being sold off for back taxes. Don't know what that means for the hotel and conference center yet, but you know I will be asking on Wednesday! Sure don't want to take a position only to have them close the doors in March.

If there are money management issues at play, I may be walking into a prime opportunity for a potential assistant GM position, or at the very least, an acting GM while they do a search for someone more qualified. I am going to make sure that I hit the ground running and learn as much as I can about the hotel and how it operates.

Trip Advisor has some abysmal ratings for the property; I intend to be the wind of change and improve the quality and the customer service of the hotel. There are only 5 hotels in Shipshewana, and this one is rated 4th. Gotta to better than that! I want to get them in the number one spot--I want them to want to be number one! Customer service is one of my pet peeves. I have threatened to open a school just for customer service skills. So many people are in the services industry that have no business serving others. They have crappy attitudes and don't give a flip about the customer. I will "clean house", so to speak, so I can hire the RIGHT people for the job. Yup--I am going to shake things up.

I am putting together my punch list of questions to ask during the interview, and I hope that I will start as soon as next week. (Yes, I may sound over-confident, but as Jennifer Hudson says, "I got this!")

***update: had my interview today at 10am; I got a call at 2pm, asking if I could come back in tomorrow to speak with the regional Executive Director. Uh, HELL YEAH! I will let you know how it goes...