Over Achiever

I stole this image from someone else's blog, but it pretty much sums up my particular psychosis. I always feel the need to push myself, make myself indispensable, etc.

I found myself doing it yet again at work today.  In the short time I have been there, I have noted that the other 4 office managers at the other locations are calling me/e-mailing me with questions. Hell-ooooo--I'm the new kid on the block, remember? If they need a document created, they call me; can't figure out how to do something in our data base? Call me.

Today Dr. Hooper gave me not one, not two, but THREE projects to tackle. I am not any less busy than the other offices; in fact, summer is the slow season, and I have managed to keep the Dr. booked--yay me!
The general manager also has been dumping projects on me. I don't mind--I like being the go-to person. Thank goodness I am an hourly employee now. When I was salaried, oy-vey, did they get their money's worth out of me! I would put in ridiculous hours--little Miss Overachiever, at your service.

I actually sat here tonight, off the clock, and did one of the projects. It could have waited until tomorrow, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep until I did it.  Obsessive much? Nah, not me!

Same deal with book writing.  You would think one was enough, but as I was writing the first, I thought, "gee, wouldn't it be cool if each wife got to give their perspective?" So that was why I started book number two, and I already have an outline in my head for book number three...

I. AM. SO. NEUROTIC! I am who I am, I guess. I actually get a little bit anxious if I am not "the go-to person".  Seriously, I have a problem!

Some of my neurotic (obsessive) behavior has evolved or outright disappeared over the years. I used to be a fanatical housekeeper. HA! That seems like a whole different person now. I had to have everything in its place. There could not be a single dirty dish left in the sink. Clothes never, ever got left on the floor or hung over a chair. Boy oh boy, THAT has changed! Heck, I leave my bras hanging from every chair and doorknob available! And we have a dishwasher, but I still manage to leave dirty dishes every night.

I also used to be Superwife with a capital S. I pampered Bud to the point of suffocation to assure his every need was met, from wonderful meals (baked desserts included), back rubs, picking up after him, fetching him coffee or water, etc, etc, etc. I even would scrub his back when he was in the tub. I am sure Bud is wondering where THAT wife went...

Now, supper, if he is lucky, has more than one entree, I will give him back rubs once in a blue moon, and he waits on me much more than I wait on him. What the heck happened? Hmmmmm

I spend WAYYYYYYYY too much time on the Internet, and too little time taking care of hubby and the house. I know this. And half of it is spent playing Candy Crush and Scrabble! I need an intervention...

Holy Fly-bys, Batman!

This summer has literally flown by. I can't believe it is September already--SEPTEMBER! It is hotter than Hades here, so for at least another few weeks, it sure won't feel any different. But there are subtle differences.  For instance, it is still dark out when my alarm goes off in the morning. It was like one morning, the sun was streaming through the lace curtains, and then BAM! total darkness the next morning.

School buses are back on the roads, too--a sure sign that we are heading into the fall and winter season. Not that I mind--the weather is very agreeable here in the fall and winter. When it gets over 90 degrees here, it is too much for me. I love the 70s and 80s--not a big fan of 90 degrees and above.

It is has been an unusual weather season here all around.  We hit triple digits in June here, and were consistently over the 95 mark for three weeks--unreal.  And while an afternoon shower is normal here in the summer, we got rain, rain, and more rain!  We had been in draught here so long, the aquifers couldn't fill fast enough. The lakes look great, as do lawns.  Can't keep up with the grass!  It gets mowed one day, and two days later, it is going to seed!

NOT complaining. It will take a few years to get used to the heat. I am sure in no time, I will be like my grandmother who wore sweaters in the summer and complained when we turned the air conditioning on. She got so used to the Florida sun and heat that anything under 80 degrees was COLD.  HA!

Our dogs are nuts. They insist on finding the hottest patch of cement or brick to lay on in this heat.  They lay there panting, but seem content to be in the sun.  In the meantime, Bud and I are melting...right now, we are worshipping the gods of air conditioning. We walk in the house and always let out a big, "AAAAHHHHHH!" It is mandatory.

I have a four day weekend due to Labor Day. We are feeling a bit claustrophobic at the moment, as we are dead broke and therefore are pretty much stuck here all weekend. Too hot to go out for very long, so we sleep--a lot.  I cleaned house yesterday, did three loads of wash--it helped pass the time.  I plan on doing some ironing later (if we ever win the lotto, I will gladly pay someone else to do this chore, as I loathe ironing. I used to love it, but now? Not so much...)

I am making a big pot of homemade beef and noodles for my lover.  He is worth the effort, and it gave me something useful to do today. I should be writing, but I just don't feel like it.  Sigh.  The West women are in France right now, and that is where I left them--hope they are having fun! The next segment of the book is going to be rough on them, so I guess they better enjoy themselves while they can.

The sun is on the west side of the house right now, so the glare is making it impossible to really see my screen.  Hope I am not just typing a bunch of random characters...

Goodbye, summer 2013, hello cooler temps!

STRESS!

It is amazing how the body can manifest physical symptoms of stress. Bud and I have both been suffering from back issues--his is his lower back, and mine is more in the thorax region. It was so bad for me last week, I had to miss a day of work and have Bud take me to the ER--just got the bill, and THAT just doubled my stress!

We are also taking our stress to bed with us.  We have both suffered from fitful nights these last several weeks. For Bud, it has taken a turn to violent outburst when he is in the deepest sleep. Usually it is the yelling that wakes me up, but sometimes, it is the blows.  Lately, he has taken to beating the shit out of a particular family member in his dreams each night. Unfortunately, he physically acts out his dream, and some nights, I have to jump out of bed fast!f

Bud, or course, feels awful that he had been taking swings at me in the dark as he beats the tar out of this person. I find it intriguing that Bud's sub-conscious has decided the best way to relieve the stress is to punch the living daylights out of this person--dream therapy? We can do things in our dreams that we really can't act out in reality (translated: vindication in dream state, prison term in reality).

I have been having dreams about my son on almost a nightly basis.  One night, he was a young warlock who wasn't able to control his immense powers; another night, he was just a little kid who ends up being punished in a way for something that was really my fault; in yet another, we were helping him move, and I realized he had so little to actually move, it made me sad.

As Bud's doctor pointed out, we need to focus on the stuff we can control, and stop stressing about the things beyond our control.  We have a roof over our head; we are not starving; we have electric and water and a toilet that flushes; we have transportation; we have friends; we have family; we have each other. The rest?  It is just stuff. We can't control it, so we need to just let it go as best we can and concentrate on the things that bring us peace.

I had just started riding my bike and doing yoga when this back stuff started to flair up. I am going to try and start back with the yoga little by little, and finding time each day to just meditate on peaceful, peace-filled thoughts. Hopefully, the new sleep medication will help Bud to have a tension-less night so he can get a real night's sleep.  Maybe, just maybe, we can release the stress, and it will release its grip on our backs.

To the things I can't control: Kiss my ass!

It's Been a While...

Yes, I have used the hummingbird picture before, but hey, it is only because I wanted to announce that we have hummingbirds!  YAY!!!!! They make me very happy.  I think if I have a totem, it is a hummingbird for sure. It is the one creature on this earth that consistently makes me smile and lifts my spirits.

Wish I had something earth-shattering to share, but I really don't.  I did want to hear how BC and New#3 were faring these days. It has been a while, ladies!

All that weight I lost? Yeah, I found it again.  I do like my new job, and the hours are awesome.  Makes up live extremely lean, though (how do you gain weight when you have no money for groceries? I have to figure that one out...)

It is July in Florida, which means it will hit 90 degrees every single day, and it will rain--if only for a few minutes--every afternoon.  It is hotter elsewhere, so I am not complaining one bit!  And the sun--oh, how I love sunny days. Sunshine does my soul good.

Just had a visit from MIL and our nephew, Jack. They stayed with us a week in our tiny little house with one bathroom (no tub, just a shower, and a small one at that). There really isn't a lot to do in the summer, so I felt bad that I couldn't entertain them more, plus, with work...and limited finances...sigh.  Not sure either of them really had a good time. I think they were both antsy to go home, to tell you the truth. It took over a month to recover financially from the visit--we spent money that was earmarked for bills, so we are playing catch-up.

We have been trying to get karaoke gigs for extra income, but everyone already has entertainment or karaoke, so no luck in that arena. We did find a great bar, however, which is owned by a fella who is a professional DJ, and my oh my, does he have a nice system! His selection is over the top! And, his bar is very nice--bathrooms were even clean!

Cooking for my Step-mama and another nephew who is visiting tonight.  I like to entertain!  Not sure what all I will make, but it will be a spread!

Speaking of, I best get my bootie around and get the no-bakes done that I was bringing.

Hope to hear from my buddies!

~D

A Walk in the Woods

I took a walk in the woods this morning. It always strikes me how primitive some areas of it look--like no one has ever seen what I was discovering. Other areas have obviously suffered the hands of man. It pains me to see the litter left by others. Don't get me wrong--the stuff that decomposes naturally, such as leaves and yard trimmings, don't bother me in the least.  It is the shit that has no business being out in the woods. Take, for example, carpeting:

There are at least a dozen old pieces of carpet out on the trails.  This particular piece is so old, I have no idea what color it was originally--just pee-soaked grey (every dog that walks the trails inevitably waters the carpet they encounter).  There is a mound of green carpeting that our dog Ghost is scared of, which of course, makes me scared: was it ripped out of a house that a murder occurred in? Is there a decomposing body wrapped in it? Is it home to poisonous spiders?  I give it a wide berth. I was actually taking a picture of the trash behind the carpet when I snapped this.  Hard to see, but there is an old tennis shoe, plastic, metal, Styrofoam, and all kinds of stuff that make it look like a landfill instead of a nature path. Ugh. Sometimes, people really suck!

Look, a garden snake!

Oh, wait...it is just an old discarded garden hose. There a several of these out there, too. Why? They look so out of place on the trail. But they are there, along with old cinder block, old car parts, and several old tires of every shape and size.

It truly seems like a place time has forgotten. There is lichen that looks like it comes from another planet:

and there is a LOT of sawtooth palmetto and Spanish moss:

The trails are over-grown in some place,

While other places look more like a beach than the middle of the woods:

You have to be careful of the cactus, or you can get a nasty poke or scratch. It is everywhere--just ask our poor dogs. I have pulled a cactus spine out of Suzie's paw, and she has yipped more than once not watching where she is going.  She had a big abscess on her face, and I think it was from getting poked by one of these suckers.

But the one thing that really strikes me is the flowers. There is literally every color out there:

Yellow.

Blue.

White.

Pink.

Orange.

And speaking of orange, we have an orange grove close by:

and when the trucks go by full of oranges, and they take the curve, some oranges will roll out. Then we get road oranges!

Our neighbor brings me bags' full of road oranges.

Once they fall of the truck, they are fair game. These are juice oranges--very sweet!
I spend a lot of time looking down while I am walking out in the woods. You know why? Because you get to see all kinds of critter tracks out there! There are tons of tracks of the human and canine variety.  But today, I stumbled upon these:

Millipede tracks!  I only know this, as Bud and I watched one last night as it walked (?) across the sand.  They are about 4 to 5 inches long, and make centipedes look tiny.

I also saw this on the trail:

Gotta be a snake, don't you think? Or a really big worm, but I think it was a little snake...

I was serenaded by the Sandhill cranes while I was out walking. They were close by, but I could never catch a glimpse of them. I am sure they have a nest out there somewhere.  I did catch a glimpse of these, however;

Sandhill Crane prints! Cool, huh? There is also another millipede trail along the top, and a size 7 Birkenstock print on the bottom right.

You have probably heard about the sinkholes in Florida. They are very real.  There are at least two of them out in the woods. Here is one I found today. It is about three feet deep.

Can't really tell in this shot how deep it is--I didn't want to get too close to it. If one of these can make a whole house disappear, I don't want to chance it...

I could have taken more pictures, but the battery was running low. I love walking the trails. Bud? Not so much. It can be a little unnerving out there. The sound of the lizards in the undergrowth produces a noise much louder than you think little lizard would make.  And there are all kinds of wildlife out there: wild pigs, bear, alligators. The trails run close to the lake in some places, and the alligators come into the woods to lay their eggs in the sandy soil. And since it is that time of year...and the bugs.  Yeah, it is Florida, and after all the rain, there are lots of skeeters, gnats, and love bugs.  And the ever-present fire ants.  You have to watch where you are walking as they are everywhere.

That said, it won't keep me out of the woods.  It really calms me out there.  I am, after all, a nature girl at heart. I just wanted to share a few pics and show you around my little piece of happiness.


Doing NORMAL stuff again...

Today we did normal stuff:

We weeded, trimmed trees, and mulched.

Our yard has so much sand, it is more like a beach than a yard, but we did manage to salvage some philodendron, schefflera, and a night blooming jasmine.  The rest got yanked up, as they were very unhealthy shrubs.  My plan is to do a container garden--buy cheap terra cotta and plastic pots from yard sales, and plant flowers, veggies and herbs.

It felt nice to be normal.  Happy Easter, y'all!

...and She Slept.

My hours at work have been excruciatingly long--mostly 11 and 12 hour days, working 6 days a week. When I get home, I am exhausted, achy, and a sweaty mess.  I usually end up bringing odd work home with me as well so I don't have to spend 14 hours of my day at the hotel.

I am feeling my age more than ever now. I am not even 50 (yet), but with God as my witness, I feel like a decrepit old woman by the end of the day.  The one bright spot is coming home to Bud each night.  He greets me at the car door, and takes whatever parcels I need to take in (purse included) so I don't have to carry it. When you have been on your feet the better part of 12 hours, once you sit, you are doomed.  It only takes me 15 minutes to get home, but once my body has stopped moving, it doesn't want to move any more.

I rarely make it to bed before 11pm, and I am up by 6:45. I have learned to get ready for work in 20 minutes, from getting dressed, checking my blood sugar, eating breakfast (which I loathe--never have liked eating first thing in the morning, but it is a necessity with my diabetes), and taking my daily Januvia.  I haven't had any of my other meds in months, but I don't think I need them.  My feet do not swell like they used to, mainly due to the weight loss. My heart pills--well, of course I should be taking them, but can't afford them right now.  I just have a "sluggish" heart--it pumps blood out fast, but it is slow to refill with blood and the blood tends to pool in my heart, increasing my risk of stroke due to blood clots. Yeah, I know--get the damn meds.

I have a job interview this afternoon.  Hoping I get it, as I physically cannot do this job much longer.  The job I am interviewing for is 32 hours a week, with weekends off.  WEEKENDS OFF! Haven't had a job like that in many, many years. It would be nice to get my life back. It would be nice to actually get to spend time with my husband and furry family.

Last night, I got home at about 7:30pm.  Bud had made creamed chicken and biscuits, and it tasted so good!  I had to get my feet up, so he agreed to watch a movie with me in our matching recliners. I took a flexeril to relax my muscles so I could sleep.  We were in bed by 10:30, and I slept.  I slept until 9am. Wonderful, heavenly sleep.  Forgot how much I miss sleep.  Boy, was it much needed!

Time to Shave My Legs....

...'cause Bud is on his way! It has been three very LONG months since I have seen my baby. I am beside myself, I am so excited! I have lost 40 pounds, so I am hoping he likes seeing a little "less" of me.

On a side note, my boobs have shrunk! All of my bras are too big--go figure.  At work, I do a lot of bending over, and they fall right out of the top of my bra. Not something for the faint at heart, especially since they aren't young, perky boobies but saggin' old lady boobs.  Sigh.

I am kind of nervous.  You would think after nearly 20 years together, I wouldn't be. But I feel like a teenager right now. Gasp! My husband is going to see me naked! I am really looking forward to the cuddling and closeness and getting all tangled up in each other.  I hate sleeping alone!

See you in three days, baby--and my legs will be silky smooth.  :)

SUCCESS!!

S-U-C-C-E-S-S, that's the way you spell SUCCESS! An old high school cheer that I shouted in the SUV yesterday after my interview. I got the job before I even uttered a word, to my amazement. It wasn't "If you are selected..." but rather "when you start..."

Knowing you have the job right off the bat sure changes how the interview goes! I met all the key players at the hotel--oh, did I forget to mention that I will be working at a very nice hotel called Inn on the Lakes? It has a spa and an outstanding restaurant, not to mention a pool that sits amid fantastic landscaping with a killer view of Little Lake Jackson. I will be the Executive Housekeeper--a funny title in the hospitality industry which simply means that I will be managing the housekeeping, maintenance, laundry and grounds for the hotel--the back of the house functions, or what is often called, the heart of the hotel.

It is a role I am very familiar with, as before falling into caregiver mode, it was exactly what I was doing before--albeit for a hotel more than twice the size. It is only about 5 miles from my folks' house, so it is convenient. I start on Monday, so I will get to generate income--yay! Nothing like being completely broke to make you appreciate the value of a buck.

The best part is, I can start saving money to get Bud and the dogs down here. I need to start looking for a home to rent. There are lots of rentals, but I need to find one that is close to work, allows dogs, is reasonably priced, and has a fenced in back yard.  I have found several candidates, but not "the one". I have time. I need the money and deposit saved first, and of course, money for utilities. Bud has already determined it will cost about a thousand dollars to make the move down--our most expensive move yet, if you don't count the move back to Michigan after caring for M and C in Alabama in 2011.

I have two craft fairs I will be attending with my wares: those necktielaces I make. I have been a crazy tie-making fool for the last two weeks, and have made about 30 of the sets.  I am hoping to make about 10 more before the first craft fair in the 9th of February. Hope they sell!

I have lost 22 pounds since coming down at the end of November,and hope to lose about 50 more. Even if I lose another 50, I will still be overweight, but at a very comfortable size for me--a weight I maintained for years and felt great.  I got a nasty wake-up call after getting down here.  I used to regularly check my blood sugar, as my father, mother, and a brother all have diabetes. I hadn't checked it in a while, as we just didn't have the money for the test strips. Dad had an extra meter and LOTS of supplies, as he gets his free, so I checked it shortly after getting here: it was 187! I thought it might be a fluke high reading, but they continued to be high, mostly in the 160's.

I went on the Aktin's diet and was eating no more than 3g of carbs a day--hard to do, for someone who loves fruit, bread, pasta, rice, potatoes--but I did it. I think I pooped off most of the weight, as the extreme change in diet didn't agree with me and I spent half the day on the throne.

I also started exercising.  I started slowly: one hour of walking in the pool every morning. Then I started going to water aerobics, and was walking one hour in the pool before water aerobics, doing the water aerobics, and working out for another 1/2 hour doing stretches in the pool. I also walk in the nature preserve occasionally with my father. It is actually a very good workout, because it is all sand--easy on the joints, but it really gives you a workout!  With my arthritis, I found, too my dismay, that bike riding was out of the question. My hips and knees just can't do it comfortably.  So the support of the water and the softness of the sand are my best friends.

Step-mom is almost completely healed. She still used the rolling walker as a crutch--she doesn't need it, but it makes her feel more secure. Dad is looking at surgery in the near future, so the decision to move down here is a good one--almost a no brainer. The weather here has done me so much good! It got cold last night, and I awoke to temps in the low 40's. But the sun is shining, the sky is blue, the grass is green, and the pool is heated. So I am off to burn more calories and enjoy the pool. After Monday, I won't be able to do my morning walks in the pool. That's okay--my focus now is getting the money saved to bring my beloved down here to be at my side.